[.ca] I Refuse to Raise a Brat (ISBN 0060987308)

From Amazon.com:
Marilu Henner, costar of the TV sitcom Taxi turned bestselling self-help author, has a strong message for doting parents: stop spoiling your children. Many of today's moms and dads confuse placating with loving, spurred by a desire to give their kids the world on a silver platter. Cowritten by Henner (mother of two boys) and her personal psychoanalyst Dr. Ruth Sharon, I Refuse to Raise a Brat explores the long-term effects of overgratifying youngsters and offers a wealth of situational advice. Henner and Sharon theorize that a child's ability to balance independence and cooperation directly results from the parent-child relationship; too much negotiation, too many toys, exaggerated praise, and overprotection do not help that child in the long run. Instead of learning compliance, the child will learn that everything is open to discussion; in place of gratitude, the child learns greed (either physical greed for more "stuff" or emotional greed for more of the spotlight); and instead of feeling safe, the child will learn helplessness. The women incorporate a question/answer style throughout their book's 12 somewhat disjointed chapters. Questions such as "Our 18-month old wakes up at five every morning and then he wants to play. What do I do?" receive a practical two- to four-sentence response from Dr. Sharon (Answer: "Don't blame your baby.... If he gets nine or ten hours' sleep, he has every right to wake up at 5 a.m.") Then Marilu responds--sometimes serious, often with a humorous anecdote or one-liner, or at times with a completely unrelated comment. Perhaps not the most authoritative resource, this book will still please, inform, and strike familiar chords in parents who seek nonphysical ways to gain and keep respect. --Liane Thomas

Absolutely Awful:
This is probably the worst childrearing book I have ever read. Where should I begin? As others have previously said, the breastfeeding advice is just plain stupid, and if Marilu got an award from LLL shouldn't she be aware that the World Health organisation reccommends b/f for 2 years and beyond? This has been done for 99.9% of human history ---- were all our ancestors 'overindulged'??!! (in fact, it is well known that societies in which children are breastfed for a few years produce children that are happier, better-adjusted, and respectful --- read 'The Continuum Concept') As has the 'family bed', most people in the world sleep this way now and seperate sleeping arrangements have only been around for about 200 years, even in the West. The example she provided about cosleeping was to the extreme, and it is a fact that more babies die in cribs than their parents bed (check out askdrsears.com for more info)Common sense is the key when cosleeping - it is important to follow safety reccomedations, and there should be no problem. I am not for permissive parenting, but it seems to me this book has gone to the other extreme and takes the stance that all instinctive nurturing is harmful. There is a middle-ground to be had between permissive and authoritarian, if we recognise that children are PEOPLE, and not nuisances to be cut down to size. I couldn't believe that this appalling Dr. Sharon was praising parents who both worked till 8pm for instilling a good 'work ethic' in the child. Is she trying to assauge her own guilt or something? I was flabbergasted. I am just saddened that some people will read this book and disregard their own instincts to follow its advice. I certainly would not want to be the child of that Dr. Sharon! If you want to raise insecure, lonely, joyless, frightened children this is the book for you.

Terrible, aweful, and waste of reading time...:
Okay, being a has-been TV star and writing books telling people to avoid breads and dairy products does NOT qualify you to write a book on raising children. Dr. Ruth Sharon's insites were sometimes good. But Marilu`s additions were horrible. Some of them didn`t even answer the question. The perfect example was one woman who complained that she and her husband disagreed with if the children should keep their rooms tidy. She then goes on and says what SHE does and how her brothers were known to grown interesting plantlife when she was a child. THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE QUESTION. And one of the chapters she wrote just had me fumming. I am convinced that Marilu Henner has any idea of what life is like in the real world. It was a chore to make it through this entire book. Reading this book is like shopping at a thrift-shop. You`ve got to go through a ton of garbage to find a few pounds of something useful. Some of their ideas were worth discussing with my wife. But all in all, I don`t think the time I (quote unquote) invested into this book had any valuable return. There are so many other parenting books out there that are more worth the time to read. Don`t waste any time on this one.

I wholeheartedly agree with you, Marilu!:
I'm not surprised that there are a lot of scathing reviews of this book. Just look at the kids out there these days. America has more badly behaved, spoilt, obese, lazy, diabetic, violent, attention deficit disordered kids than any other country in the world. Obviously parents of those kind of kids bought into the "Listen closely to your kid's wants and needs. Treat them as an equal" kind of modern parenting books. Of course they would totally disagree with Marilu's solid, good old-fashioned advice. Marilu's advice harks back to the days when kids WEREN'T shooting up schools with automatic weapons and schools didn't need metal detectors at each entrance to screen for weapons. If all these new soft approach books are right, why are the kids these days so screwed up? Why, when parents were much stricter and less accomodating to their child's every whim, were the kids more polite, respectful, had a much better work ethic and way, way less out of control. I love the bit where Marilu says that spoilt kids don't grow up to thank their parents for giving them everything they always wanted. They usually have no respect for them. Unfortunately my wife and I have opposite opinions about raising our two boys (2 & 4). My wife hates to see them cry, so she constantly gives into their demands. As a result, it's much harder work for her to be around the kids than myself because they are much needier and brattier with her than they are with me. If you are firm, consistent and make the rules simple, the kids really quickly realise that it's a waste of their time whining and crying about the silly stuff and are much happier for it. If I put the kids to bed, I can leave them to fall asleep by themselves. I tell them that I'll come back in a couple of minutes to check on them. I may have to do this once and there maybe a little half-hearted grumbling about being left alone but it's usually an extremely rewarding and painless experience. If my wife puts them to bed, she can't leave the room without the sound of screaming kids following after her and usually ends up staying in their room until they fall asleep. I ask you, which scenario is most likely going to produce an independent, happy and confident child? Kids are constantly checking for chinks in our parental armour. If they find a weak spot, even at a very early age, they are incredibly smart and know how to take advantage of it. It's mindblowing to me how they do this. But I agree with Marilu, I think kids want and need rules to be in place and stuck to. They are more secure knowing that their parents are actually in charge and have things under control. Anybody know how to get in contact with Ruth Velikvsky Sharon Ph.d. who helped Marilu with the book? I'd like to get in touch with her. Oh, and financially successful parents who had nothing as a child (the " I want my kids to have the nice things that I never had" types) , stop giving your kids brand new BMWs when they're sixteen. There are undiscovered tribes in the Amazon jungle who know that this is a terrible, terrible thing to do to your child. What the hell do they have to aspire to if they're handed stuff like that on a plate. Yeah, give them a car...a car that is uncool enough that they want to get a job to earn money to pay for a cooler one. It's so simple.

I certainly don't want to raise a BRAT!:
When I was trying to conceive my first child I stumbled upon this and other books by Marilu Henner. I thought it offered great insights into things that a new or even established parent should and should not do if they want to raise a healthy, respectful and well-behaved child. In a society that has an abundance of unhealthy children I find this book to be great at educating parents in a non-threatening way. Sure Marilu cracks jokes, she is a very funny lady. Sure she is considered a celebrity but more so since she became an author. I think she has done what many people would love to do, take something they are passionate about, write it all down and share it with others. She didn't get a book deal just because she is also an actress and she wouldn't continue to write nor get the book deals if her books didn't sell. Take the time to read this book with an open mind and I bet there is at least a dozen things that will make you think about how great Marilu must be as a mother. I guarantee that if you were ever to meet Nicky or Joey you would find them both well behaved and extremely respectful! If you don't want to spend the money, at least check it out from a local library! You won't be sorry that you did!

Don't waste your money:
This book was horrible. Most of the book is done in a Q & A format, and Dr. Sharons responses are usually a cold and simple 'You're doing it wrong and your kid is going to grow up to be a drug addict because of you.' After her response, Ms. Henner gives her answer in one of two formats: 'This is how my parents did it,' or a stupid joke that avoids the question. The authors make generalized comments on sensitve issues that are entirely based upon the norms of our culture, and they are completely intolerant of other views on child rearing. This is probably the worst 'You're doing everything wrong' book I've ever read. It is so full of self-promotion it makes me sick. She Obviously thinks her parents did a great job, just look at how wonderful she is! I actually might have given this book a 2, because I completely agree that children aren't helped be answering to their whim and shielding them from all the responsibility and heartache of real life. It was Dr. Sharons comment that a child whose parents both work until 8 at night is somehow benefiting by having parents with a strong work ethic that earned her boycott status. These women annoy me so much that I don't think I'll ever be able to purchase anything with either of their names on it again.