[.ca] Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence (ISBN 0275958620)

Abused men feel pain too:
Congratulations for writing a book on this subject. You may save some lives. I work for a voluntary organisation in the UK called ManKind that helps male victims of domestic violence, as until we set up this chairty last year there was nowhere for abused men to turn. Some of the other reviews here show a major problem we have: wherever we go to try for funding or even charity status we seem to meet people who say: no, abused men don't exist, or that if they do they ask for it, or they enjoy it (when I have received a phone call from a man in tears who has just been stabbed in the arm and thrown out of his (their) home with his (their) two children, I can't believe that people can make this claim), or they should be able to look after themselves. What matters is that being abused, verbally or physically, by someone who you love or who you are in a relationship with, is absolutely terrible, about the worst thing that will happen to anyone unfortunate to experience it. I know because it happened to me last year, out of the blue, but it trapped me and took me to the edge of a cliff. This abusive relationship (I'm 6ft andover 12stone, she's 5ft 4in and 8 stone) left me with more than 100 bruises and cuts, three bust ribs and mental scars that will take years to heal. NEVER ONCE DID I HOLD HER, THREATEN HER OR HIT HER BACK. I believe she is very unwell and was, as is often the case in abusive relationships, hitting someone else (in her mind) when she hit me. Incidentally, ManKind chairty has started to help female abusers as there is nowhere they can turn in the UK either - further evidence that this problem has just been ignored until now. Now if you still believe that men are making up this problem, does that mean the many calls I've had from women who regret and can't understand verbally abusing and physically beating their male partners are just made up too? Abusive violence in all its terrible forms degrades, harms, creates a cycle of violence, and kills - and WE SHOULD ALL WORK TOGETHER TO STOP IT. By helping fill a gap and make people aware that men are battered too (and it's usually the caring type of men who fall into being abused as they stay around hoping they can help) and need help and helping them, and that female abusers need help too, certainly the charity I work for is in no way meaning to take any resources or energy or attention from groups helping abused women or abusive men. I would ask those who feel this way to think about a man (that is; a son, a husband, a friend, a colleague, a daddy, a human being) who has lost sense of himself, is being controlled and used by another human being to project their bad feelings onto, and is feeling suicidal (I have heard of men who have committed suicide over the abuse they have been given, made worse by the fact that they were not aware that this does happen, thus increasing their sense of isolation and "wimpishness"), and put their energies to helping to bring harmony where there is harm, light where there is darkness, love where there is hate, and hope where there is despair.

Intimate Violence: The Case of Abused Men:
Philip Cook's Abused Men is well conceived, well documented, and well written; it is an excellent source book for both perpetrators and victims of domestic violence as well as for police officers, community leaders, health care providers, family therapists, crisis-line workers, and other helping professionals. Another positive aspect of this book is Cook's ability to make research findings on male abuse and its consequences accessible and understandable for readers new to the field of domestic violence. The book can serve as an eye opener about the factions, disagreements, and controversy that are part of the issue of domestic violence. Eugen Lupri, Ph.D. Professor Emeritus of Sociology The University of Calgary Calgary, Alberta Canada

Open your eyes and look at the entire picture of abuse.:
Sorry to all the feminist apologists out there, but men *are* abused by their female lovers, and rarely do they defend themselves - because the odds are so incredibly stacked against them. A woman can always claim that her abuse was in self-defense, and 99 times out of 100 she will be believed, no question. And where exactly is a battered man to go? There is exactly one shelter for abused men, and it's targeted to gay men, and it's in San Francisco. I guess if your wife is battering you in Virginia, you're SOL. I loathe the hypocrisy of the feminists who refuse to believe that women are capable of bad things - and when we do commit grievous bodily harm, assault, rape, or murder, it's not our fault. No, it's the husband, or the father, or the police, or someone (anyone) else. This book is one of the few that breaks the myth that women are the sole victims of domestic violence.

Ah, those pesky statistics....:
First, let me say that this book is perhaps one of the most important books you will ever read. Not just because of the implications to public policy, but because a male friend or relative you know may be abused and you're not aware of it. It's a huge problem, as the author argues. Regarding the statistics, one reviewer wrote "The information that half of abuse is by women is a deliberate misreading of research that was done that did not distinguish between types, severity, and lethality of behaviors, nor offensive or defensive." What this reviewer is ignoring is the fact that Mr. Cook is quoting the exact same source that battered women's advocates quote. The next time you hear someone say "A woman is battered every X seconds...", be aware that they are not actually quoting the FBI or the DOJ, what they are quoting is the Family Research Laboratory, which is where that number originated. What they've done is left out the other half of the statistic. (Probably because it's not politically convenient for them to quote the whole thing.) "Ah, but it doesn't distinguish between types, severity, and lethality of behaviors, nor offensive or defensive!" What they again fail to mention is that that also applies to the "female" half of the statistic. To say that a woman is battered every X number of seconds without examining whether or not it was done in self defense, whether or not it was "mild" abuse, whether or not it resulted in death, is rather dishonest if you're going to insist on applying that strict analysis to the "male" half of the statistic. Apply it to both, or don't. In other words, you can't have your cake and eat it too. What they are essentially saying is "It's not abuse when it happens to a man." That, my friends, is pure BS. I confronted a battered women's advocate with the actual numbers once during a United Way meeting in which she was trying to raise extra funds for her shelter. After displaying a shocked look on her face (probably because she was caught off-guard), she simply responded "I've never heard those numbers before. It may be that men are unwilling to come forward with their stories of abuse." And there you have it. If men are unwilling to come forward with their stories of abuse, then the "women make up 95% of DV victims" statistic obviously becomes questionable. If men aren't willing to tell their tales, then the battered women's advocates have no idea that their "95%" number is actually accurate. Then why do they continue to perpetuate that myth? Follow the money trail.....

We Do Exist!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
I must say that reading this book was one of the first steps in my own recovery from being a battered husband. I was confused and didn't really understand what had been happening to me; so many chapters and the stories of other victims were all too familiar to me, not just her abuse, but the reactions of others around me such as the police and the legal system. At least one book has been written about the unknown problem of domestic violence against men by women. Tawny Kitaen for example? Does the name Phil Hartman ring a bell? For too long abuse of women by men has been treated as comedy. Finally someone is taking it seriously.