[.ca] Nurture By Nature (ISBN 0316845132)

Great Tool:
Like all parenting/advice books, you have to pick/use the parts that make the most sense to you...and this is one that I've gotten the most out of, by far. The helpful hints for how to work with kids, at various age levels, based on personality types, are VERY useful. With one child like myself, and another very much the opposite, this book has been especially helpful in not only appreciating how/why they are different, but how to work with them accordingly, instead of just based on my own type...VERY INSIGHTFUL, WITH CONCRETE, USEABLE SUGGESTIONS.

some bad ideas:
Okay, I admit I am an INFP, so you can ignore the rest of my review since I'm so irrational. But I can't help but see the big picture of their suggestions for parenting these different "types" of kids. With Thinkers, parents should sit back and hope that their children learn manners on their own (lest parents be thought of as irrational). With Feelers, the kid was already born diplomatic, so parents don't need to teach the child manners. I don't think it's a good idea to encourage parents to forego teaching children diplomacy because this is supposedly a skill children are "born with". I also have to view the descending "functions" with skepticism. For instance, I am an INFP, so my primary function is Feeling and Secondary function is iNtuition. My least available function is logic, even though this would be my primary function if I was an INTP. Pardon my ignorance, but this is illogical. If I was more Extraverted OR more of a Judger (ENFP or INFJ), I would suddenly, either way, be less of a Feeler and more iNtuitive. But, strangely, if I was more Extraverted AND more of a Judger (ENFJ), I would be no less of a Feeler and no more iNtuitive than I am now. How is this neurologically possible? Apparently, neither extraversion nor orderliness alone makes the kid more creative. They have to be extraverted AND unorderly, or introverted AND orderly. Furthermore, if I was low on the Feeling orientiation, Feeling would be both my primary and least available function, and Thinking would be both my primary and least available function. If anybody has ever met such an irrational but super-logical character, please let me know. Otherwise, I will have to assume that such a temperament is impossible.

Worthwhile:
This book takes the Myers Briggs Type Indicator and applies it to parenting. The book is supposed to help parents identify their child's personality type, so that they can then parent them in a way that best suits the child's needs as well as the parents'. I like the fact that the book shows that children are individuals, and that a one size fits all approach to parenting tends not to work. The book could really give a parent insight into a child who is vey different from the way the parent is (say, a very extroverted mom or dad who can't quite understand why his/her child would rather read a book or play with a chemistry set than go play with a group of kids). It can also help the parent understand why some discipline techniques that work really well with one child completely fail with another. The book talks about all these sorts of issues - school, discipline, overall behaviour, etc. The problem I have with the book is that I think is difficult to identify some children's preferences, particularly in the more complex areas of a person's type. It's rather easy to tell if someone is an extravert vs. an introvert. Other things, like sensing vs intuitive, or judging vs. perceiving are more difficult to assess in a child. I found it hard to determine the type of the child I was thinking of. Where the book is more useful is knowing your own type, and looking at how your child might respond to it. Although I'm not convinced that the Myers-Briggs Type Indictor is a valid instrument to use with children, I do believe this book can still give parents and other adults who interact with kids a good broad base of understanding of how temperment is displayed in children. For that alone, the book is worth looking at. I would reccommend getting the book out of the library and skimming a few chapters to see if you like the book and think it will be useful to you before you spend the money to purchase it outright.

Definitely worth reading!:
This book is very well written (not to say it is free of typos, but...); it is definitely time for a personality-taylored child-rearing book. The descriptions are very accurate, and the suggestions for parenting the children are right on. I do believe, however, that there is a fatal error in the artist's tendency to focus on a positive aspect of some children's type and a negative aspect of others'. The pictures/quotes do not seem to underline the idea that all children have something positive to contribute. The Introverted Percievers seemed to fare the worst. Parents of an ESTJ may be put at ease from a picture of a smiling kid wearing a halo, with a quote focusing on his tendency to follow rules rather than his tendency to boss others kids around. But parents of INTPs may not like the picture of a rebel. And they may have purchased the book wondering why their child is so curious, but until seeing the picture, never given a thought that his questions might be a sign of disrespect. If children are equal but different, the pictures should focus on the positive attributes of each type.

A Parent's Helper:
I was introduced to this book by a good friend of mine - Thank you Shirleen! She knew that I was having trouble understanding my son who is 7 years old. When he was a baby I could feel his needs and wants instictively as a Mother. During this past year, I felt that he was developing into a boy, which I could not always understand and I felt myself becoming more and more frustrated with myself. I could understand my daughter 99% of the time, where she is coming from... But when it came to my son, I really felt helpless. I could not understand his logic and his moods and also his retorts to certain situations. This book helped me understand WHY my son does and says certain things and also helped me find solutions on how to deal with his feelings and weekensses and strengths. I highly recommend this book to any parent in need, cause there is hope.