[.ca] Stepwives: Ten Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Step-Mothers ... (ISBN 0743222466)

excellent help:
This book was fun and easy to read. The examples given were easy to relate to. I read it cover-to-cover in just a few days, and read about half aloud to my husband while doing it. I found immediate help in these pages. While there's been no change in my "step-wife's" behavior, there has been a real change in my attitude and my behavior and in how I deal with her. I actually bought a copy and gave it to her, though I've never heard a word from her about the gift. It has helped me understand my husband's position, as well. Whether my step-wife reads it or not, I've gotten priceless peace from this book. The kids, the real point of the book, will be the ones to benefit the most.

TheStepfamilyLife - Review of Step-Wives:
Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn were the best of enemies for ten years. Then they learned how to put the struggle behind them and unite for the sake of raising a great kid. Dubbed the original "co-Mamas," Lynne and Louise write from experience about their struggles to understand, communicate and get along. They partnered with family therapist Marjorie Vego-Krausz to assemble this book and their ten step program for moving your stepwife relationship beyond antagonism. One of the things that I liked about this book is that it pointed out - in glaring honesty - the natural hostility found in the stepmother/ex-wife relationship. So often many of us, bruised by awkwardness, just don't want to admit that we are two women trying to share a space originally carved out for one. So we dance politely sidestep the true issues, all the while misunderstanding what the other says and layering onto our relationships years of acrimony and pain. Louise and Lynne describe the turf battles familiar to many stepmoms and ex-wives. Lynne is the ex-wife of Greg - Louise is the woman who replaced Lynne. Lynne describes going into a rage when Louise would volunteer at school with her son Evan's class. Lynne recalls feeling like Louise was just waiting "to pounce" on her and reclaim her old life. How can the two get along? The first thing the authors do is offer some subtle vocabulary switches. Let's be honest - when you hear the words ex-wife and stepmom together in a sentence your first thought is cat fight. "Step-wife" is a term coined for the book and used interchangeably for both stepmoms and ex-wives when both are being discussed together. So how do the "step-wives" keep the peace? According to these former family warmongers, it's not easy to bury the hatchet and get along, but they've devised a ten-step plan (known by the acronym PRESCRPTON) that can yield results: P - Put the kids first. R - Respect each other. E - Empathize and acknowledge feelings. S - Set limits and boundaries. C - Claim your own baggage. R - Remember realistic expectations. P - Problem-solve. T - Talk and communicate effectively. O - Organize consistently. N - Nurture yourself. PRESCRPTON may seem simplistic, and the actual chapter space devoted to explaining it is fairly limited. However, the authors draw together several topics affecting stepmother and ex-wives and explain how to apply PRESCRPTON to real-life situations. They cover some of the most sticky subjects common to stepfamilies - telling your stepchildren when a new baby is on the way, deciding if an ex should attend the funeral of an in-law, dealing with drug abuse or mental illness, and sorting out disciplinary differences between households. Suggestions on how to get along and draw boundaries will be much appreciated by stepfamilies trying to delineate roles. They recommend at least a "basic 5" for interaction between step-wives at public events. The "basic 5" are: (1) smile, (2) make eye contact, (3) say "hello, _______(her name)," (4) be aware of your body language (5) if others are present then introduce and include your step-wife in the conversation. They point out that these basic courtesies are often ignored in stepfamilies still reeling from emotional upheaval but that everyone should be able to manage at least simple civilities. One of the book's strengths is that it shows the reader how to see the points of view felt by others in the stepfamily equation. A chapter on the man in the middle examines the plight of the ex-husband/new husband and identifies common coping strategies men employ to stay out of the cross-fire. Throughout the book, ex-wives and stepmoms are encouraged to empathize with each other and their respective situations. Each chapter addresses stepmoms and ex-wives individually with recommendations and comments. A chapter on second wife syndrome (which afflicts ex-wives) and ex-wife envy (a stepmom illness) discuss the feelings of jealousy common to "step-wives" of all stripes. When the chapter on in-laws recommended that stepmoms should be allowed to go to Thanksgiving dinner without their husband's ex-wife looming over the turkey, I was ready to stand up and cheer! At the same time, I also learned to empathize more with my husband's ex-wife and her situation by reading this book. This book holds plenty of insight and wisdom for any one involved in a stepfamily. The authors recommend that stepmoms and ex-wives both read the book and then have a meeting to outline boundaries. Even if you can't get your "step-wife" to read the book or apply the steps, you will still benefit from it.

Real Eye Opener:
This book really changed my life. I could relate with the birthmother on so many levels and felt emphathy for the stepmother. It really opened my eyes and showed me what I was doing that I never thought was wrong. After reading the book I've learned alot about myself and about my stepwife. Thanks to "Stepwives: Ten Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Step-Mothers End the Struggle and Put the Kids First" I now have a positive relationship with my daughter's stepmother. After reading the book I purchased another copy for my daughter's stepmom and sent it to her. We met for a lunch meeting shortly after we had both read "Stepwives". What an amazing 360 turn our relationship has taken.

Great for some peace:
This makes you take a look into that other woman's life. It forces you to possibly gain a little knowlegde about the ex. It was great to finally feel a little of much DESERVED peace in my life.

Great for a small piece of mind:
This book really helped me to visualize how that stubborn ex-wife is or has been viewing the whole situation. I do not get as worked up as I had been doing in the past. I have learned to pick my battles and let the bio-parents deal with eachother as much as possible. I have a little more patience with her and I am thinking about buying her a copy as well. It may not help her, but it sure did me and it is worth a shot. If you have a "step-wife" and there is a child involved this book may be the way to building small bridges for that child's sake and for that small piece of mind.