[.ca] The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How ... (ISBN 0743259998)

Not perfect, but who is?:
I began reading this book fully prepared to end up hurling it out of a window in anger and disgust. You see, I am one of those women who idealizes motherhood. I practice attachment parenting, believe strongly in child-led weaning, co-sleep even with the human equivalent of a hand-mixer, and relish every moment of the precious time I have with my daughter. However, as I progressed further and further into the book, I realized I had yet to feel any wrath directed toward the authors. In fact, with the only exceptions being ones I found mildly annoying, I agreed with almost everything they said. The title is a bit misleading because after reading the book, I do not have the impression that the authors feel that motherhood, or even the idealization of it is what undermines women. It is much more complex that that. They rail against the politicians who voted to subsidize daycare, the media who sensationalizes every abduction and every crime committed by a caregiver, and against those who strive to pit mothers against other mothers. They explain feminism and detail how feminists are friends to the stay at home mothers and housewives as opposed to a foe like some in the media would lead us to believe. They also talk about the "celebrity mom." You know, the one who appears on the cover of the women's' magazines at the checkout line in the grocery store at her prepregnancy weight gushing over an angelic three month old. These mothers talk about how motherhood is so much better than any movie role. However, many of these mothers have full time nannies and housekeepers allowing them to be fun mothers while pushing the stressful jobs off on someone else. Some of these mothers, whom the media portrays as so 'devoted' even have nannies to do the nighttime feedings for them! Of course, many real mothers will feel like failures next to these women who talk about what great moms they are, but remember, these mothers are also very good actors. There were a few aspects of the book that irked me. For example, Douglas and Michaels suggest that it is OK to leave a baby with a caregiver to go on a week long vacation. Personally, I believe, that under most normal circumstances this is selfish and wrong. They describe how the character Hope in the TV show thirtysomething nearly had a nervous breakdown when she weaned her baby from the breast. I have never seen the show, but they seemed to suggest that there are no benefits to sustained breastfeeding and that all mothers probably have a cavalier attitude about discontinuing the nursing relationship. They also rallied against attachment parenting. Interestingly enough, they called it a 'fad' despite the fact that "attachment parenting" has been the primary way to parent since the dawn of humankind, and the "detachment parenting" we see in the western world today has only been in practice for about one hundred years. I would recommend this book to anyone. Obviously, as with all books on passionate subjects such as parenting, it will not please all of the people all of the time. You will, however, finish it knowing that there were many aspects you felt you could relate to.

Disrespectful & Poorly Researched:
My primary criticism of the book is the authors' blatant disrespectful attitude toward people with opposing viewpoints as well as inadequate research. As an example, note the use of the acronym "CRAP" throughout the book to represent a collection of people who the authors define as the "Committee on Retrograde Anti-Feminist Propaganda" (pg. 30). The people the authors list are certainly not formally associated together in any type of "committee." The authors write about "correct CRAP answers", the "World According to CRAP," the "Patented 'Full o' CRAP' quiz," in a most generalized and unsubstantiated manner. An example of poor research is when the authors admit that they did not fully research an organization that they then proceed to discredit. Describing a 1984 CBS report, they write: "In a typical journalistic nod to 'the other side,' we saw Linda Burton of 'Mothers at Home,' an organization whose membership we did not learn, but whose size had to have been minuscule compared to the number of working mothers . . . (pg. 250)." Incidentally, "Mothers at Home" has been renamed the "Family and Home Network" in an effort to support all parents who choose to be at home with their children. Factual information on the actual number of mothers at home with children, 15.9 million based on United States Census data, can be found on their web site (...) These are just a few examples from this biased and unbalanced book. Save your money and time and buy another book.

Thank you for this book:
I am grateful for a book that tells the truth -- we moms CAN'T do it all, and DON'T NEED to do it all -- and certainly not at the level that our hyper-competitive society happens to be dictating at the moment. Set your priorities, moms, and not only will your kids turn out fine, but you'll be setting a great example for them so they can think for themselves, too.

Ridiculing the mother/infant bond:
- In the words of Susan Douglas and Meredith Michaels; - "Then there is "babywearing." You wear your baby in a special sling until she wears you out, at which point you put her in the "family bed" and get in with her to "co-sleep." If there's not enough room, your husband or partner can go to the couch. You can purchase the "original" Dr. Sears Sling on-line at the Dr. Sears Store, or you can order a custom sling from one of the many Web sites, like Mamaroobabysling.com. ...So our point here is not to bash mothers who find these options comforting or convenient. It is to see Attachment Parenting as a fad..." In the words of Dr. Sears in The Baby Book; "What \othey\c have is centuries of tradition that have simply taught them that something good happens to women and their babies when the babies are worn." In the words of MamaRoo; "Being a woman, becoming a mother, I have started to see that my experiences have already been lived, and I am drawing from a long history of instinctive behavior. Women learn from their mothers, who learned from their mothers, back to antiquity. If women hadn't learned to nurture their children, mind, body and soul, we wouldn't be here today." Frankly, Susan Douglas and Meredith Michaels, I feel that you are completely out of touch with the world view of parenting. Attachment Parenting encompasses natural parenting, giving a name to our instinctual desire to nurture the next generation. You demean the bond that develops between a mother and child, a bond nurtured through breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, natural infant hygiene... a bond that has brought us as a race to where we are today.

EYE-OPENING! BEST BOOK I'VE READ IN YEARS:
This book should be given out at every hospital/birthing center/etc - to any new or experienced American mother. It is a combination of hysterically funny insight, and critical sociological observation, history and commentary. It clearly and resoundingly demonstrates how the media has made modern mothers question and criticize ourselves to the very core. We must learn to fight back the insidious messages our media feeds us, both as women as well as American citizens. For a double-whammy, see Fahrenheit 911 - an excellent tie-in on another level about media dominance. --- Lisa Johnson, Author/Editor of RITE OF PASSAGE: TALES OF BACKPACKING 'ROUND EUROPE (Lonely Planet, 2003)