[.ca] Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and ... (ISBN 0743487478)

The Seed for the Future of Parenting:
In struggling to deal with my strong-willed 4-year-old daughter, I kept upping the ante, usually by yelling louder and coming up with more creative consequences. There were lots of "successes" but her outbursts at home seemed more desperate. Something in my gut said this just isn't working -- like I was getting her compliance at the expense of her self-esteem. I read Unconditional Parenting and the subtle concerns I had were in this book. Besides providing the history of time-outs, the author provides insights on common North American parenting strategies (rewards, punishments, "say, 'I'm sorry, Billy'", "say, 'Thank you'", "Ooo, what a pretty picture"), then provides a common sense look at who kids really are and what's behind our current style. Here was the seed for how I could guide my daughter without trying to manipulate her, and keep my respect and love for her intact. And I was shocked as it inadvertently explained the origin of issues I'm facing as an adult and the parenting I received that coincide with these. My husband and I started using concepts in the book and were much happier with the results we got with our daughter -- not compliance, but solutions that we chose together, leaving her with a genuine smile, and a sense of peace for us. But this is not a "do this" book. It's common sense and inspirational, and our change in approach fell immediately out of it. So, after several weeks, I plan to re-read this book, be re-inspired, and see if we can stride further. I hope to see more from this author and more on this style of parenting. I think this is the start of the future of North American parenting, with the goal on teaching children how to make decisions, and parents being able to sleep nights with our integrity intact.

Excellent book for any parent:
This book is revolutionary in its approach to parenting. As is Gordon Neufeld's "Hold on to your kids". If you are finding that "time outs" and all the other advice you've gotten from people and books simply don't work, try this approach you will be amazed at how well it works. Only thing is you don't get recipes for discipline, but rather it teaches you to show love for your kids without rewards and/or punishments. One thing that really struck a chord for me was when he says that there's no question that all parents love their kids, the only problem is that very few kids feel loved unconditionally. And if kids don't feel loved unconditionally they can't really thrive.