[.ca] Date...or Soul Mate? (ISBN 0785265392)

Get "beyond chemistry" by using this book!:
Date. . . or Soul Mate? How to Know if Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less, by Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D., is an extremely practical dating guide from the founder of eHarmony.com. The book is like a handbook on the psychology of compatibility and time management. And it provides tools and tips for making the dating process as effective and time-efficient as possible. As a dating and relationship coach working with singles looking for a life partner relationship, I had heard a lot about eHarmony.com and its particular protocol. Clients tell me that rather than sort through various online dating profiles themselves, eHarmony.com has you first take a personality test. From the results of that test, members are then introduced to other members that, according to Dr. Warren's formula, they would be most compatible with. In my live lectures and virtual teleclasses, I frequently have stated my agreement with Chapter 2 of the book entitled "Know Yourself." I have heard singles claim they already know everything about dating and relationships, but complain about still being single. I use this chapter, and the ones that follow, "Your Must-Have and Can't-Stand Lists," to direct singles to identify what they're looking for in a partner. Dr. Warren generously provides readers with the fifty most popular must-haves, and the fifty most popular can't-stands, to help articulate what frequently has become an amorphous blob of an ideal mate, that they will only recognize by chemistry. Once you have these lists, Dr. Warren suggests that you "burn them into your brain," as they will now serve as your "shopping list" for finding your soul mate. He describes how to be "other conscious" rather than "self-conscious" while dating, and suggests areas to question your dates about to help you determine if your must-haves and can't stands will be met. He addresses the importance of emotional health and its powerful effect on compatibility. These chapters provide great directions on how to navigate the frequently confusing dating waters. I found the section on "Seven Significant Similarities" in chapter 8's "Differences You Must Not Overlook" especially important. In his 30 years of practicing as a psychologist and working with singles and couples, Dr. Warren has identified certain key similarities that strongly contribute to marital success. They are: 1) spiritual harmony; 2) desire for verbal intimacy and ability to be intimate; 3) level of energy; 4) level of ambition; 5) expectations about gender roles; 6) interests, and 7) personal habits. I found the last one, personal habits, to be the most eye opening. Dr. Warren contends that the degree to which one person attends to neatness and orderliness in his/her life, should not differ too much from those of whom he is dating. I don't think I would have given this life habit much credence before I read the book. Rather, I would have suggested that it wouldn't be until a couple were living together that they would create a household system that works for both of them. But Dr. Warren makes a strong case that you should observe how your dating partner attends to neatness and orderliness BEFORE you live together or marry, and determine ahead of time if you could actually live with him/her. The only weak part of the book is towards the end, when Dr. Warren tries to quantify the principles of negotiating a "great deal" in a relationship. I think that he made a great effort in attempting to take the intangibles about dating and partnering and make them practical up until this section. In my opinion, determining if you got an "good deal" still remains intangible. Of course, Dr. Warren uses Date or Soul Mate? to make a case for signing up with eHarmony.com. I suggest that you use the principles of his book to help you keep focused as you travel the road in your search for your life partner.

An excellent read:
This is possibly the best book I've ever read on relationships. The book helps you identify what you are looking for in a relationship and also what you need. It is practical, realistic and easy to apply. If you are genuinely looking for a partner, this book provides the tools to help you get started in the right direction.

The Montgomery Burns of Dating....:
Well Smithers, if you want success in relationships or dating, take Neil Clark Warren with a grain of salt. A friend who tried e-harmony and this book gave it to me to read. Her experience alone was enough to call me to question this guys validity, and the assertions he makes on his e-harmony commercials are ludicrous and without merit. Point 1 - He pushes getting your free personality profile which is normally a $40 value. How did he arrive at this value? How many people have ever had to actually pay for this personality profile? E-harmony wouldn't exist if this profile wasn't free. Once you take the profile, they start matching you with people regardless of whether you joined or not. This is their hook. If you didn't pay, you start seeing people matched with you to interest you into joining.(They e-mail these to you) If you do join, you are also matched with people off of their personality profile, who may not even be members. Hence, since they haven't joined, you can't communicate with them and vice versa, but you see it as activity and being matched with someone so you assume that it's working, or at least that e-harmony is matching you to people. Point 2 - Neil Clark Warren discusses that you are matched on his "29 dimensions" of compatibility. And that these 29 dimensions are necessary for relationship success. Garbage! As a member, you will never learn what exactly these 29 dimensions are, or how the person they matched you with fits these. To me he's a con artist for suggesting that people who DON'T possess the 29 dimensions aren't in for a happy or successful relationship. I'd like to suggest that in order to qualify his remarks, we give every married couple who claims to have a happy, fulfilling relationship his personality test, and see how many of these people wouldn't match up on his 29 dimensions. Divorce lawyers could have a field day. Why would you like this divorce, is it irreconcilable differences? Mental anguish? Adultery? No, no, I was perfectly happy until I found out I don't match my partners 29 dimensions for relationship success. Divorce me, I've got to find one of these e-harmony partners! I'm left to wonder how the human race has survived without Neil Clark Warren and his 29 dimensions to relationship success.

Finding your SoulMate?:
In general I found this book to be a very usefull tool in the begining of a search for that one true love. I do believe that the book is too short for a true effective purpose or it should be written with two more books; one containing exercises to get you thinking about what you really want, and the other book to do just the opposite, make you think about what you really don't want. I would recommend this book to anyone who has problems narrowing issues down that you want in a mate and/or issues that you don't want. It does have the ability to get a person thinking, but it does not go far enough. There are a couple of flaws with the book. The first flaw I find is that the author who has several years experience in psychology is not able to go beyond a couple of pages before he tells you this, and it is repeated. The other flaw is do to its brevity and not enough detail or any real exercises to get a person thinking about the true qualities of their mate.

VERY INTERESTING BOOK; SOME GREAT POINTS:
I've read several dating books, and, after a while, they overlap, appearing too similar. Most of them give pep talks and have their little strategies for making fine impressions on others. But, what's the point of all the above if you're meeting people who are not personality matches for you? Or, what if you're blinded by outside appearances yet don't really know what suits you best for a long term relationship? So, while I don't know if Warren's book is a panacea, he sets up some new and refreshing ideas on how to match personalities. I took the test at eharmony, which was free, and it gave me some insights into my personality, as well as personalities which are best suited for me in dating. How much is that worth to me? Well, enough to put in some time to buy the book and read it. If it's going to save me some time and help me find the right person, rather than be with someone not so great, I'm willing to put up a little money. That said, if anyone has an idea of a better book, especially one that helps you expand your network, feel free to shoot me an email at: SONOFHOTPIE@YAHOO.COM