[.ca] What is Marriage For?: The Strange Social History of Our ... (ISBN 0807041351)

From Amazon.com:
E.J. Graff had a very personal reason for asking the question in this book's title: she was married in 1991, but in a ceremony legitimized by neither church nor state. Graff and her dearly beloved, you see, are lesbians. But instead of being dominated by agenda, What Is Marriage For? is a playful and informative study of the institution of wedlock throughout history that will appeal to readers outside of its obvious constituency. Chapter by chapter, Graff looks at the legal, sociological, and anthropological assumptions about money, sex, procreation, tribal affiliation, and the pursuit of personal happiness that underlie the concept of matrimony in Western societies. Her eye for the odd historical footnote is especially striking: we learn, for example, that in ancient Rome, marriage vows were exchanged by the groom and his father-in-law, and that--the assertions of right-wing fundamentalists notwithstanding--families were actually far less stable in the premodern era (where as many as 50 percent of all French children lived with a stepparent) than they are today. Graff's conclusion? The rules of engagement have fluctuated so wildly over the centuries that the term "traditional marriage" is something of an oxymoron; same-sex unions are but one of the many ways in which marriage has evolved to meet the changing social dynamics of the 20th century. --Patrizia DiLucchio

very informative but a little overdone:
I was never that interested in the same-sex marriage debate until I learned of the legal protections that are automatically granted straight people when they marry. Graff's history of marriage is very illuminating and her argument for same-sex marriage is persuasive, but she does tend to beat the reader over the head with it at times. Similarly, I enjoyed Graff's biting witticisms but also found it was overdone at times.

Not very enlightening.:
I picked up this book for the history-of-marriage value instead of the same-sex-marriage-propaganda value, and found the history and debated "reasons why people have historically married" to be rather uninformative. A lot of what was said seemed common knowledge about basic history of society. Marriage concepts are talked about generally more often than not. I would have liked to see more hard core facts rather than musings and contemplations. I was hoping for statistics to be sprinkled liberally, and perhaps many tales of certain marriages in the past that stood out either as especially abnormal for a time period, or exceedingly typical.

Great Book:
I really enjoyed this book and can't say enough good things about it. So I'll just leave it there for that. However, I would like to make an observation on what others have said about this book: It's only the straight people who think that Graff "overdoes it sometimes" or "beats people over the head with.(..)" her remarks on same-sex marriage. This is yet another example of how straight people just can let it go. Please, for once, stop trying to control the lives of gay people. Let us love in peace. You people are the ones with all the power in the world. You have absolutely no room to talk. You can't even dream of what it is like to be hated and oppressed. (...)

Fascinating and eye-opening:
Like Graff, my daughter is a lesbian in a committed relationship, and it angers me that she is prohibited from marrying the person she loves. I was delighted to find this book exploring the changing purpose of marriage in the western world from Roman times to the present and read Graff's case that the battle over same-sex marriage is just the next iteration in a centuries-old line of views of what marriage is for. Graff never claims that her book is a balanced history; she lets readers know right up front that she is gay and that her purpose for doing all the research and writing was to present her argument that same-sex marriage should be legal. Anyone (like an earlier reviewer) who is surprised by that simply wasn't paying attention. Graff's writing is both informative and lively, with plenty of facts interspersed with anecdotes and human interest. I already agreed with her premise so I didn't need to be persuaded, but she makes her case so well that it's hard to see how anyone could read this book and still believe gay people should be denied the right to marry. Even for those who are already believe that, the book is well worth reading. Now I can back up my assertion that same-sex marriage should be legal with a persuasive argument based on historical fact: What conservatives call "traditional marriage" is actually less than 100 years old, and this is the logical next step in its evolution. This is an excellent book that belongs on the bookshelf of everyone who believes in human rights.

A wonderful, well-researched read:
This is a great book. It is not only well-researched, but also witty, insightful, and a very engaging read. It's impressive how accessible Graff has made this material; there's a lot of very detailed information packed into a small book, but it's never dry or difficult to read. Her arguments in favor of same-sex marriage are thoughtful and very well-reasoned -- I now feel much better prepared for discussing same-sex marriage with family and friends.