[.ca] Adopting After Infertility (ISBN 0944934102)

Lasting Impact:
Sixteen months after our dream of having a family was realized through adoption, this is the one book that I continue to remember, refer to and recommend. The book is sensitive without being emotionally silly; straight-forward and factual without being dry and hopeless. The author does an excellent job of helping couples work through options and issues without being judgemental or overly biased toward adoption as the ultimate answer. My husband and I read this as we started exploring adoption, and we used the suggested process to help sort out our feelings and motivations about adoption. As a result, I believe we were more fully prepared to approach the adoption option in a healthy, positive way.

Excellent!:
This is the first book my husband read after many years and many requests. We actually fought over who got to read it! (I bought a second copy!) The items in this book have helped my family to deal with our feelings regarding infertility and deal with the losses we've suffered with less negativity. Although we aren't there yet, we've begun assessing adoption as a choice for addition to our family. With the help of this book, we've started to feel very positive about our situation and look forward to the choices we will make in the future.

So not what I needed to hear!!!:
I read this book shortly after dh and I decided to look into adoption. The author goes on and on about getting through your grief over infertility and it made me even more depressed about my situation!! She goes through different stages that a couple has to grieve before they are ready to move on and adopt such as the grief of never sharing a pregnancy with your spouse, the grief of never having a biological child etc. etc. etc. To me, adoption is not about grieving over what I am going to miss out on, it is about embracing life's path and looking at what I do get to experience such as the joy of finding out there is a child for us, and the excitment of sharing the adoption experience with my dh. IF sucks, I will be the first one to admit that!!! But life is what you make of it and I don't think that I need to grieve all these different steps before I am ready to embrace adoption.

Psychobabble from a woman who knows nothing:
This book was non sensical to me. If anything it tried to disuade my husband and I from persuing IVF etc. It is bombarded with PC crap and one cannot say " give a baby up for adoption" or "real mom" she completely sounds pompous and doesn't seem like any advice she would give you would have an ounce of care for the feelings of one going through IF. I think this book was a sham and i regret purchasing something written by someone so high on their credentials but lacking in real life desperation.

Exceptionally helpful:
I found this book extremely helpful in sorting out the wild emotions I was experiencing when trying to decide whether or not to continue with infertility treatments or to move to actively pursuing adoption. It was a difficult book to read - I would read a chapter and have to stop to "digest" it and cry for a while. But it ultimately increased my confidence that my husband and I were making the right choices for ourselves. I have passed my copy on to a close friend now facing these same questions and have recommended it to several other couples.