[.ca] Searching for a Mustard Seed: One Young Widow's ... (ISBN 0971316031)

widowhood is painful & enlightening:
Miriam Sagan wrote SEARCHING FOR A MUSTARD SEED because she could find no books that spoke of her raw & unkempt experience of widowhood, & because "...grief is either a path we have trod or will have trod...so that some woman like me might find a friendlier book on the shelf." (Page 15) Woven into the stories of her baby boomer Jewish/Buddhist household in New Mexico, are memories of her life before marriage, the record of her emotional turmoil during the two years when Robert was deteriorating from an ulcerative colon, & the community of their far-flung families & friends who rallied around her upon his death. A gem of a memoir, both unflinching & lyrical. Like a mixture of gentle gamelon music & hard driving rock'n'roll, it has breathless moments of serenity amid the cacophony of crises, as a wife & mother struggles with surviving alone, stepping in the minefield of people's expectations, crashing into their sense of propriety about how to mourn & how long, & what she should do with the rest of her life...now that she's a young widow. An exciting glimpse into cross-cultural life, the often bizarre & dark humor of death, of friendships, ceremonies & one woman's philosophy.

direct and unflinching:
This memoir deals with sudden widowhood in a very direct and gutsy way. The author's husband was a Buddhist monk who died suddenly leaving Miriam and her young daughter dazed and thrown into a social limbo and an unimagined life. It is also the story of Miriam's recovery from grief and an unforeseen second marriage to her long-lost very first boyfriend less than a year later after he paid a cross-country condolence call. Sagan does not sugar coat her experiences - there are places in the book where her directness in facing death and the state of her own life in the aftermath may unsettle some readers. Those of us who have been in these difficult situations she describes are grateful for her honest reporting and insights. The book manages to convey the rollercoaster quality of real life without dogma and a great fearless embrace of reality. This is a great hearted book that deserves a big audience. I recommend it.

beautiful tale of death, widowhood, remarriage:
Although the cover is a bit misleading - the story is about an American family struggling with illness and death - it's a wonderful tale. Sagan beautifully narrates her emotional journey through her husband's illness and sudden death at 36; her vast grief and loneliness; then rapid remarriage to her high school boyfriend. Her late husband was an American Zen priest, tightly connected into the California Zen movement with all its eccentric personalities - we get to meet some of them too. Incisively describes the vicious pain of widowhood, giving full detail of personal drama while ever the skillful journalist. I cried bitterly at her exhaustion and her sorrow, and exulted in her new passions and remarriage. Compelling piece.

A good book for anybody working through the grieving process:
Miriam's story is sad, funny, sexy, adventurous, and life affirming.