[.ca] Skyscraper

SKYSCRAPER: bargain-basement entertainment!:
Ye Gods! After hearin' from so many folks about how bad this flick is-- and after hearing a few audio outtakes from the opening scene that Howard Stern played on his radio show-- I knew I just hadda give 'Skyscraper' a looksee! Hey what can I say; I'm a glutton for punishment when it comes to craptacular cinema. Anyhoo, I pretty much knew them folks were right about how lame this flick was the moment I caught Anna-Nicole's glossy-blood-red-painted-nailed hand workin' the control stick of her chopper during the opening credits sequence! The rest of the proceedings pretty much followed the plot & story line of 'Die Hard' to a 'T'... except not nearly as well-done or as well-acted. Or with as big a pyrotechnics budget. And if you're wonderin' 'bout what parallels there are between 'Skyscraper' and 'Die Hard'-- or, to be more accurate, stuff that 'Skyscraper' baldly ripped right off of 'Die Hard'-- I'll throw ya several examples: - The bad guys blow up a few floors of the building they're holed up in to show folks they mean business. - One of the heavies takes a bazooka shot to a couple of would-be rescuers. - The main heavy's minions can't seem to get their sorta Euro-sounding accents straight. The primary example of the inconsistent linguistics is the computer-hacker henchman whose brogue is primarily French-sounding, but also seems to slip in a bit of British and German here 'n' there. - The heavies (yep, them again) use the building's central computer & security system to seal the skyscraper off from the outside world as well as track the movement of its occupants. - One weasely hostage tries to wheel-&-deal his way to freedom with the head heavy, but winds up gettin' a bullet through a vital organ for his troubles. - Anna-Nicole's character does the "escape-from-the-heavies-by-rappelling-down-the-side-of-the-building-and-crashing-through-a-window-on-a-lower-floor" deal with a window-washing-scaffolding line; much like Willis' character did with a reel of emergency fire hose. There're plenty more examples I could give, but I'm gonna leave it up to you to pick 'em out... if you dare! Needless to say, watchin' this 96-minute-long cheese-fest left me with an immense feeling of déjà vu... Finally, we come to the star of this catastrophe: Anna-Nicole Smith, whose incessantly-pouty mug and ditzed-up southern drawl showed me why she never became a major force in Hollywood. Her less-than-enthusiastic recitation of her lines and that constant expression of sullen disgust (probably from her downers wearin' off) didn't help matters, either. And don't even get me started on her nudie/boink scenes, which featured far more plastic than actual flesh, with a nice dollop of hydrogen peroxide thrown in for good measure. Anyhoo, time for me to wind this review up. Now that I've steeled myself by watching this unholy hellspawn of a mo-pic, I'm pretty sure I can endure 'Leonard Part 6'. Wish me luck folks... 'Late

Better than her other movie!:
In Anna's final movie (why?), she plays Carrie the helicopter pilot with fake fingernails. "Skyscraper" (1997) is directed by the same genius who brought us Anna's other blockbuster -1995's "To The Limit". Both movies are similar(wow, really?) in that Anna uses a gun, she gets naked a few times, and attempts to act too much. Oh yeah, there's also a really evil guy and a lot of explosions. If I must choose between the two for entertainment value, I'm going with Skyscraper. Not only does Anna have more nude scenes in this one, her acting (and everyone elses) is even more hilarious (if you actually watch it with sound!). Also there aren't as many long stretches of "acting" and "explosions". Bottom line, a laughably bad acted movie with breasts, guns, and things exploding. Enjoy!