[.ca] The Fat Spy

My new favorite movie:
Describing this movie is like describing the love of a child or incense smoke rising, but I will do my best. The Fat Spy is a story as old as time itself, the ongoing search for the Fountain of Youth. Only this time our heroes discover that the Fountain is not actually a fountain of water, but two black twin roses growing from the same stem. Well I'm sure everyone buys or sees this movie for one reason, Jayne Mansfield, so let's talk about her. I've never seen her as heavy as she did in this movie. Granted she is still beautiful and stunning, but the hourglass figure is gone as she is a bit thick in the middle. By modern spaghetti-thin model standards, she could even be described as fat, but to me who can appreciate a fine woman, she looked great. One scene has her wrapped in only what can be described as the happiest towel in Hollywood. You get some great cleavage and chest shots as she dries herself. She also sings a number to her love interest 'Irving'. Unfortunately, this film will not cement Jayne's acting abilities for immortality. Let's face it, she was what she was. A great body and a rival (ha ha) to Marilyn Monroe. Jayne seems to go out of her way to act just like her with the dreamy, whispery voice and dumb blonde routine that Marilyn found inescapable as her career went on. In one scene where Jayne is tied to an AC unit she screams for help. She suddenly pauses and turns to the camera and pathetically starts doing the Marilyn pout and blowing kisses. This film which was probably filmed on a budget that couldn't drive a car across the country was shot on a lake which was supposed to be a beach. This film is actually a musical and any excuse possible is used to throw in bad singing and worse dancing. Take for instance the song sang before the opening credits even start. "When people got money, they sure act funny". One scene has the teenage group on the beach deciding they need to go to Cape Coral after 'discovering' a sign posted by a Florida Tourist attraction. All the girls swim out to the boat to start it up, while the guys all make their way to the dock, where quite handily, drums and guitars are found. They sing a number while waiting for the girls to pull up with the boat. Another song is sung by Phyllis Diller. She mostly talks words to music rather than singing, so there is some mercy here. However the drop on the floor and laugh until you cry scene is the 'Everybody do the Turtle' song. The song is so terrible, it will linger in your head for days. There are some loose ends that don't quite tie up as the movie ends. One kid goes fishing in a rubber raft (he sings a song while fishing of course), and catches a mermaid. Well after going back to shore he decides he loves her and wants to go find her. He starts moping around and the last mention of him is his clothes are found on the shore. Reckon he swam out naked to find his love. The film quality is terrible, even on DVD. The picture is grainy and the sound is horrible. At times you can't hear the lines because the surf is too loud. Then there are the cartoon balloons that try to move the movie along and attempt to assist the viewer in the progress of the film. Just before the ending credits there were promises of upcoming movies: The Return of Fat Spy, Bride of Fat Spy, and Son of Fat Spy. I'm still looking, but haven't found them yet. All in all this movie rules. My wife's quote "Oh you owe me big for making me sit through this."

It's bad and that's not good.:
This movie is just plain awful.The combination of Jayne Mansfield, Phyllis Diller,a low budget,and rock and roll beach parties sounded like a sure bet.Instead,it's a real loser. The film is so self consciously "hip" that it ends up being entirely devoid of humor.There are zero laughs,intentional or otherwise.This is most definitly NOT some under appreciated "camp classic" If I made this film, I would disown it too.(Amazon needs to add a zero stars option)

Take Me to your Greenhouse Baby:
This film is a bunch of disjointed skits. Thy try too hard to be campy; however with not enough lead and no finish each disjointed sketch just leaves you wanting. There are a few made-up ersatz songs and Jayne Mansfield's accoutrements; aside from those everything else is flat. There are a few personalities but they never shine: Phyllis Diller (fully clothed) Brian Donlevy (storms the beach) Jayne Mansfield (always points north) The Wild Ones (People Sure Act Strange) The introductory song was the best part of the film. A final thought "Love is a rose, but you better not pick it"

So bad that it's good!:
This is one of those low-budget movies that is so bad that it actually is good. It's in the usual '60s teen-beach-bikini-party genre of old Elvis movies, but with much less taste and quality. I love it, though, because it's obscure and pure '60s in style, the music is good and pure '60s, it has Jayne Mansfield & some decent gags, and there is some passable Florida scenery. What a pity: with a few changes in scenery and story and camera angles it could've been a classic.

Blecch Blanket Bingo!:
It's funny that American-International is commonly thought of as the low-budget, bottom of the barrel studio of the '60s, when watching something like "The Fat Spy" immediately proves that A.I.P.'s movies were the archetype or model for any number of obscure regional productions like this one. The thing is - the Texas or Florida knockoffs have an entirely different and much better feel to them. "The Fat Spy" takes the "Beach Party" model of healthy, squeaky-clean All-American teens and populates its landscape with raggedy, locally-recruited Florida kids. Hardly "Annette" caliber, they sport excessive tattoos, withering bouffants, dribbling cat-eye makeup and all seem to smoke incessantly. Instead of frolicking on the blue Pacific beaches, they gently tread on the seaweedy, brown water shores of Cape Coral, Florida, which is actually on the Caloosahatchee RIVER. Why they didn't just drive another 30 miles to Ft. Myers or Sanibel Island is beyond me. It's fun for people familiar with this area to see it before it devolved into another strip-mall wasteland. The plot is totally incomprehensible. I've watched it three times and have no idea what is happening. The songs are earache-inducingly bad. But it is incredibly hypnotic, with the aforementioned oddball locations and a cast (Mansfield, Diller) who are already a bit surreal-looking to begin with. Points especially to Jayne who ticked off "beach party" in her expanding list of exploitation genres during this period, including countryploitation (Las Vegas Hillbillies), sword-and-sandal (The Loves of Hercules), mondo movies (Primitive Love), and finally her post-mortem JAYNEploitation (Wild Wild World of Jayne Mansfield). Too bad she never did a straight-up horror movie. As for the DVD - big points off for the cruddy packaging, featuring misspelled names of both Diller and Jack Leonard on the cover (!) and an unrelated photo of Jayne which was easily taken ten years before this movie was made. No extras and a sub-par full-frame mastering with lots of artifacting, although it is easily better than VHS copies. At least it is bargain-priced.