[.ca] Tarzan (1981): Ape Man

The most Sensuous Tarzan:
As a longtime Tarzan aficionado (I've read all the books),I just had to write a review for this Tarzan film, because I love it! Yes, Richard Harris is embarrassingly over-the-top. Yes, Bo's acting is sophomoric. Yes, the plot plods, and, yes the slo-mo snake scene is overlong. BUT! First, the music is exquisite. I have searched for years for the soundtrack to this movie! Second, the on-location filming was first rate. The lagoon and tree house were exactly as you would expect Tarzan's world to look. Third, the nudity was for the most part, appropriate to turn-of-the century Africa. Fourth, and most importantly, Miles O'Keeffe was an incredibly sexy Tarzan! Tarzan is a savage, sensuous literary character, and this Tarzan personifies that image. As a gay man, I enjoyed watching Tarzan as much as I suppose the Derek's were hoping straight men were enjoying Bo! Now if they had only shown HIM naked! Now, about that soundtrack...

Where's Cheeta When You Need Him???:
Bo Derek was the Edsel of film-making. While hubby/producer/Svengali, John Derek , was sure that the movie going public, and the world in general, was going to worship his latest puppet/goddess, the public decided otherwise. This movie is easily one of the worst ever filmed. There are bad movies that can still be unintentionally funny and entertaining, (See my review of "Valley Of The Dolls"), such as any campy "B" movie you might see on "Mystery Science Theater", but this filming of the Tarzan tale is just plainly, leadenly, drudgingly awful. Even if something is very beautiful, if you stare at it long enough, it becomes boring. In this flick, it only takes a few minutes to get past Bo Dereks catatonic beauty, until you're bored into a stupor. She may have improved her acting skills since the filming of this movie (she would have had to), and, in recent interviews, she seems to have matured into a nice, thoughtful lady. But back then, there was not a thespian bone in her lovely body, and though hubby John thought she could carry the film, it was not to be. The script is so awful, that there are a few unintentionally humorous lines. And, though there are times when covering ones teeth is appropriate, watching Bo trying to sensually eat a banana (one can almost see hubby-director John off to the side, getting all hot & bothered as he coaches her), it is only stupidly hysterical as she appears totally toothless during this scene. Luckily for the hunk who played the Ape Man himself, he has not a line of dialogue to distract from our Bo on screen, and apparently he had the sense to retreat into oblivion after this films release. Richard Harris probably just went for broke, and acts insane. Compared to this movie, watching any of the old Johnny Weissmueller versions is like watching Olivier. I guess this movie is worth a one time look, at the very least to film students, on how to avoid self-indulgence, cliches, and, boring an audience to death. Or, pop it in if you're having trouble sleeping...in minutes, you'll be snoring away!

Too much Jane and Not Enough Tarzan?:
For those who want to see a movie in keeping with Edgar Rice Burroughs' vision of the abandoned child turned apeman, this movie is definitely not for you, go rent Greystoke instead. (an excellent movie btw.) This adaptation is more of an adult version of "The Perils of Pauline" and if you can see past the ridiculous dialogue the movie is otherwise quite entertaining and certainly titilating The reason why the adventure centers around "virginal" Jane Parker, is the movie is directed by Svengali Director John Derek and Jane is played by his much younger blonde beauty wife, Bo Derek and was probably why you don't see much of Tarzan throughout the movie and why they cast an unknown actor to play the supposed title role (Miles O' Keefe). Looking back this was merely a publicity machine to further Bo's career after her recent fame as a global sex symbol in Blake Edwards "10." The other big name is Richard Harris, who's ability was certainly wasted in this one. In various costumes, (or lack thereof), Jane looked ravishing and this is proven when at the end of the movie, the local mud clad, ivory worshipping, natives took a shine to her, after capturing the expedition and they prepare Jane for a fate worse than death, where for several minutes she's stripped naked, tied down and ceremoniously washed down by "inquisitive" native handmaidens, who then proceed to hand painting her in creamy white paint in readiness for the amorous big Chief. Back in the day this scenario proved to be the final straw for the Rice Burroughs estate and a lawsuit ensued to try and cut such racy scenes, a compromise was made before release which is the final product. The deleted scenes "somehow" found their way onto the blackmarket exchanging hands for quite large sums of money the time of release!. (Through an older siblings video distribution company I was fortunate to once see these cut scenes ...it's a pity they can't reappear and find their way back into the original print!). the most tongue in cheek Tarzan movie you will ever see, which in my opinion, strangely helps give it some allure.

Bo Derek is all wet:
Directed by John Derek, now I wonder how Bo got the part. Does not matter how she got there it is fun to watch her get wet every time you turn around. She was wet in "10" (1979) but here she is all wet. This is a simple adaptation of the Tarzan story where Jane joins her father (Richard Harris) in an expedition. He tells here of the Tarzan legend. She wanders off. During her wet period Tarzan (Miles O'Keeffe) appears on the scene and plucks her. Bo sort of monkeys around. And Tarzan gets snaked. Daddy gets stuck and we all live happily ever after? Or do we?

Bad!:
I saw Tarzan the Ape Man on HBO or Cinemax when I was a teenager and it is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I'm not a prude and I have nothing against nudity in movies but there really should be more to a movie then nudity and there should be a plot!