[.ca] House of Wax (2005) [HD DVD]

Drippy Wax:
The primary appeal of this movie seems to be: Paris Hilton dies. Come on, most of the people who went to see it were probably dying (no pun intended) to see it happen. Sadly, Hilton's death is attached to the remake of "House of Wax," a campy screamflick about Madame Tussaud's gone bad. Good Lord. Six nubile twentysomethings are en route to a basebell game when (surprise surprise) they break down. They stay overnight in a creepy forest, only to have their car sabotaged by a mystery driver -- and just how does a fan belt break in a stopped car? Sabotage. A few hitch a ride into the town, and soon find that the town is even weirder than an episode of "The Simple Life." The feel is 1960s-ish. The buildings are literally made of wax. Corpses are being dumped in pits in the woods. And there is a creepy museum called the House of Wax, with some very suspicious-looking figures in it. And worst of all, someone seems to be hell-bent on adding our clueless protagonists to the House of Wax. To be honest, "House of Wax" reminds me of an old "Get Smart" episode I once saw, except that that episode was more fun. In fact, "House of Wax" is so cliched and so bad that it actually comes across as a parody. We have clueless young people, girls in skimpy attire (including Hilton in red lingerie), redneck psychos, blood and body parts, and death by sharp objects. All it needs is a screaming virgin. Well, at least it doesn't pretend to be clever or innovative. It doesn't even try. What is good? The wax effects, and the climactic blaze. And it does have some entertainment value as a cliched cheesefest. The script is a bad hybrid of "Halloween," Vincent Price, and one of the worse episodes of "X-Files," and sadly the direction follows in kind. It has a B-movie flavour, despite the more polished filming techniques. The climax is probably the most worthwhile part of the whole movie, when a fire causes the House of Wax to melt. The special effects are pretty amusing. Seeing people fall through stairs and walls is actually kind of fun, as is the gruesome scene where we see someone getting a wax job. (Rim shot) The acting here is strictly scream-horror fare, meaning it's bad. Not entertainingly bad, just forgettably bad. Despite the unsurprising disaster of Hilton's performance, she's no better or worse than the other stars here, such as Elisha Cuthbert or Chad Michael Murray. All of them are playing one-note idiots -- acting doesn't enter into it, and the best moments are right before people die. The most entertainment "House of Wax" can bring you is a drinking time, where you take a swig every time a horror cliche comes up, or a character does something moronic. You'll be passed out before Hilton dies.

Much better than I expected:
It's best if you don't look at House of Wax as a remake of the Vincent Price classic, as the two have very little in common. Still, it's hard not to go into this movie with a slightly negative attitude, given that whole "remake" stigma and the fact that Paris Hilton plays a significant part in the story. Personally, I pretty much expected to be disappointed. The first half hour didn't do anything to change my perspective, really. You've got a stereotypical group of young people camping out in the woods on their way to a big football game, and you eventually start asking yourself, "Wasn't there supposed to be a whole House of Wax thing in this movie?" There's a menacing truck kind of thing, but that's about as scary as cutting your fingernails. Still, you do get to know the characters a little bit - not that you would really want to know most of them. The only interesting character is Carly (Elisha Cuthbert), a seemingly smart young lady with an actual future. She's unhappy because her friend Paige (Paris Hilton) and her loverboy invited her brother Nick (Chad Michael Murray) and his loser friend along on the trip, as it sort of puts a cramp in her lifeless style of her boyfriend Wade (Jared Padalecki). Nick's supposedly a tough guy with a prison record, living up to his label as the evil half of the Jones twins. Nothing really happens until Wade wakes up to find his car has been damaged. While their friends head off to the big game, Wade and Carly make their way to the nearby town of Ambrose, home of the once-famous Trudy House of Wax, in search of a fan belt. They should have known things just weren't right when they found the town basically deserted, with Whatever Happened to Baby Charlotte? listed on the marquee of the local movie house. Wade's a real nosy Ned who thinks he has the right to trespass anywhere he pleases, including the closed wax museum. The pair do manage to find a mechanic eventually, though, which sounds like a good thing but really isn't - because that's when things finally begin to take a rather gruesome, bloody turn. In time, all of the major characters find their way into the increasingly surreal town of Ambrose - but all of them do not make it back out. As you can probably deduce by the title, the designated bad guy(s) here are much too lazy to make wax sculptures from scratch - it's just so much easier (not to mention more lifelike) when you can just cover an actual person in wax. Much to my surprise, this actually turned out to be a pretty good slasher film. The problem, of course, is the fact that we're so inured to slasher films that it's almost impossible to make a really effective one anymore. For me, the whole situation never managed to generate a truly effective sense of menace. For one thing, there's no mystery as to who the bad guys are; even Shaggy and Scooby Doo could have figured this one out, since there are only two people in the whole town. Wax or no wax, we've seen all of this before. Some of the deaths are fairly entertaining, though (although I would have preferred more gore and a more direct look at the actual killing moments). These aren't the brightest kids you'll ever see. First off, they go and take a shortcut on their big road trip - that always lead you to some detour into the heart of hillbilly monster country. When they should be running, they choose instead to try and hide underneath the nose of the killers, and, naturally, they actually keep going back into danger to try and find their missing friends. If I ever find myself in a ghost town full of wax dummies, hunted by some sick freak wanting to add me to an exhibit in his wax museum, I'm going to run until my legs fall off. After all, friendship means not having to say you're sorry when you leave your buddies behind to die horrible deaths. I don't guess that would make an interesting movie, though. I guess I should address the whole Paris Hilton thing here. Believe it or not, she is not the worst actress in Hollywood; you aren't going to spend any time at the water cooler telling your buddies what an incredible performance Paris gave in this film, but she isn't all that bad in a role such as this. She could never have handled the primary role of Carly (since, after all, we're supposed to root for Carly to survive), but she's quite acceptable as fodder for deranged killers.

A splatter flick that embraces the idea that stupidity SHOULD get you killed:
Wow, do the kids in this movie really want to die. There are six college students traveling in two cars to a football game and they decide to spend the night in a field near a small town in the middle of nowhere. When a pickup truck shows up and the driver refuses to turn off the lights, get out of the truck, or say anything, one of the kids breaks a headlight and the pickup backs away. So, do the kids pack up and run away? No, they do not. They go to sleep. But, hey, why not? What is the worst thing that can happen to you in the middle of the night if you are sleeping in tents in the middle of a field after you tick off one of the locals? Actually, the answer to that is not much relatively speaking, given that this is the opening act of this 2005 splatter flick. If you think that Nick Jones (Chad Michael Murray) has a death wish that is nothing compared to Wade (Jared Padalecki), who establishes what could be a record for going into the wrong places in a horror movie. The only other contender for that crown would be the last pair left alive in the film, one of whom is obviously going to be Elisha Cuthbert's Carly Jones, sister to Nick and girl friend to Wade. This is not just because her name appears first in the credits but also because she is clearly privileged in the film's opening as the character most likely to still be alive by the end credits (plus she knows that you are only limited to three strikes when it comes to baseball or felony convictions). The other potential young corpses in the group are Paige Edwards (Paris Hilton, who obviously has great potential in this regard) and her boyfriend, Blake (Robert Ri'chard), and Dalton Chapman (Jon Abrahams), who is so goofy that you know if he dies it is going to be either really gross or a big fake out. "House of Wax" is an amusement ride as much as it is a movie. These characters are so blatantly stupid that it suddenly dawns on you this is part of the ride. Not only do we become convinced that they want to die on the subconscious level being mined by screenwriters Chad and Carey Hayes, but that they actually SHOULD die because they have entered the land of people too stupid to live. We are not supposed to be sympathizing with this bunch; we are supposed to watch them die because you have never seen a horror film where the victims persisted in going where they should not go. "House of Wax" is not a film built on suspense, but how can it be when we know before the film starts that there are dead bodies covered in wax involved? There are a few minor "boo" moments in first-time director Jaume Collet-Serra's film, but what you will find more of are gross outs. The point here is not to make you jump, but rather to make you squirm (or worse). This is one of the few horror movies I have watched late at night in the past year that made me wonder if I was going to have a hard time sleeping. Collet-Serra knows how to push buttons and this is a film that convinces you there are worst things than dying so embrace that Grim Reaper boys and girls the first chance you get. The screenwriting credits acknowledge the "story" by Charles Belden," which would be the play that was turned into the 1933 film "Mystery of the Wax Museum," which became the 1953 Vincent Price 3-D version of "House of Wax." The commonalities between this splatter flick and the others are more in terms of generic elements than plot. If you have corpses covered in wax you have to have tableaus of wax figures and you have to have scenes where the wax (a) crumbles away, (b) breaks away, and (c) melts away. These are all present and accounted for, but the piece de resistance here is that the House of Wax is literally made of wax. Again, this is a ride as much as a movie, and if you want to start asking questions about where all the wax came from, how power bills get paid, or anything else that deals with real world logic, you are clearly in the wrong state of mind to enjoy this film. If you hate splatter flicks with stupid victims then avoid this film like the plaque, because "House of Wax" embraces their stupidity and takes it over the top. Otherwise, just go along for the ride. As for Paris Hilton's role in this film, I readily admit that my immediate reason for ever wanting to see "House of Wax" when I first saw the trailer was to watch her character die (I went to see the first showing of "Saw II" hoping for a similar cathartic experience with regards to Beverly Mitchell because Lucy Camden Kinkirk on "7th Heaven" totally drives me up the wall, but I was sadly disappointed), and I suspect I was not alone in anticipating such a scene (remember the "On May 6th, Watch Paris Die" t-shirts she was selling?). On that score "House of Wax" delivers in yet another scene clearly calculated to send a theater audience into paroxysms of glee. Beyond that I do not think there is anything wrong with Paris Hilton as an actress. It is her lack of bone fides in more mundane aspects of existence that leave me cold.

House Of Wax: Overrated ..... but still worth it.:
I liked 'House Of Wax' but it wasn't all that good as the commercial put it out to be. I thought that I would be screaming out of my mind in the theatre, although I did get scared but it was more of a spine tingling feeling but the movie is still GREAT :D.

fun horror film (3.5/5):
many people really slagged this movie and Paris Hilton.i'm not sure why.Yes,it's a horror movie-and yes it's a remake of a 1953 movie with Vincent Price.so it can not be called original.but then again,how many people in the target audience have seen the original,or even know about it.so throw that argument out the window.As for Paris Hilton,she is not that bad of an actress,in this film at least.anyway,as for the movie itself,it's a fun thrill ride with a fair amount of suspense.the acting is as good as any for this genre,and it seemed as if the actors were really having fun with it.my advice pop the movie in,shut off your brain for the duration and enjoy.there are a lot worse movies out there.(in this genre and others) 3.5/5