[.ca] The Wicker Man (2006) [HD DVD]

An insult to the original but slightly hilarious to watch:
I never cared for the original "The Wicker Man," I found it slow, dull and rather uninteresting; LaBute has taken the idea and made it into a Neil LaBute rant about feminism. However, the movie tells more about the creator than it does about feminism. This was by far the worst movie Nicholas Cage has ever starred in, and has topped my list for being one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Although the trailer makes this movie look amazing and full of suspense and horror, it unfortunately contains neither. Nic Cage goes in search of his lost daughter in "The Wicker Man" and runs afoul of an isolated community of pagans. This remake of an old Chris Lee flick has little suspense and nothing to hold the attention, as Cage literally scrambles about the countryside, thinking he has glimpsed his kid first here and then there. Some of his search becomes downright comical, especially in a scene where he is trapped overnight in a cistern. Cage's character is allergic to bees, and there's a scene involving torture-by-bees where Cage utters what is destined to become an immortal line: "Oh God, not the bees!" Ellen Bursteyn of "The Exorcists" fame is wasted here as the head of the mysterious coven, much the way veteran horror actress Alice Krige was underutilized for a similar role in "Silent Hill". The beginning of the movie starts out fair enough, but as the movie pushes its way down you have to make more and more leaps of faith. And then, the bad dialog comes pouring out in the final 20-30 minutes. From "I'm going to find Rowan and what I need from you is to stay out of my f---ing way!" to "Ahhhh, my legs!!" the movie gets some really silly dialog...and considering its a LaBute film, its a shame to see his talent for dialog go to pot. The big questions, however, are "Is it better than the original?" and "Is it worth it?" It is arguably worse than the original. It is vastly different and in some aspects better and other aspects much much worse. But, it isn't worth it.

A ridiculous parody:
If you absolutely have to sit through this painful parody of the Edward Woodward cult classic, turn the sound off, ignore Nicholas Page as much as you can and try to enjoy the beautiful Pacific Northwest setting of this mesmerizingly stupid film.

too family friendly.would have been better with more of an edge (3.5/5):
before i begin, i should offer some advice.this movie is better viewed without having seen the original.you will probably get more out of it that way.i saw the original first,which makes it hard to give a fair review of the remake.nevertheless,i will try.casting Nic Cage in the lead role was a good move.Cage is credible in his role.the whole film is populated with current and past big name actors,some of whom have small roles,and some who have larger roles.not all do convincing job.some were rather lacklustre in their roles.this 2006 version is a remake of the 1973 classic,and adds very little to its parent.there is a lot more music and noise in all the appropriate places,of course(that's not a good thing,in this case) the story is pretty much the same.the biggest problem with this movie is it's rating.because of it's PG13 rating,it lacks the edge and is less risqué than the original.to be more effective,this type of movie should have a more adult rating.this is also problem with logic in this movie.there are just some things that don't make sense and there is no real attempt to explain them.the truth is,this movie is just a louder version of the original,minus the risqué quality and minus the edginess.as a stand alone movie,its not half bad.like i said,if you watch this movie without having seen the original,you will have a higher opinion of it.i will give The Wicker Man 2006 version 3.5/5

no stars if I could:
Even if I hadn't seen the original, I still would find this film so weak. Why did they bother? They changed the locale which made it harder to accept this could happen in modern day. Change Willow's character, to where she had Howie had had an one night stand resulting in a daughter. Daughter is missing and he is trying to save her. Other than that, often in places it's word for word dialogue (wonder who got credit for this. By the time it was done I didn't care enough to find out). Whomever did the screenplay, most of it is the original. Yet, none of the real suspense or even black humor of the Lee-Woodward film of the 1970s. Rent if first! Then go buy the original The Wicker Man (Limited Edition)

More holes than a piece of Swiss cheese:
Yes, I too saw the original movie from 1973. THAT movie was fantastic and scared me silly, young though I was. But this remake is beyond anything I could have imagined, and in a bad way. Not really sure who to blame here. Let's start with the plot: too many holes. First of all, Malus's best friend/cop knew where he was going. No one thought to look for him? POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT: Second, there is the idea that he had to be the hunter to be the hunted. Why, then, did they not do away with him when he first set foot on the island? They knew he was coming? But then, I guess we wouldn't have a story. The list goes on and on. END OF SPOILER. Now, I love N. Cage and think he's one of the best actors around, but his performance in this film was so comic. His reading of the lines seemed to be just that--a reading. The dialogue was clunky and I couldn't get a handle on his girfriend turned weirdo who seemed to be brain dead. Here's my biggest beef: she's "supposed" to be concerned about her child, yet takes ten minutes to answer a question from Malus about what happend, where she is, etc. Huh? Hello? Nick Cage is trying to help you? You might want to pay attention. All of this makes for something really unbelievable. The big shame for this film was that the settings were beautiful and shot well. What a waste of a good setting and a good cameraman. I looked at the credits to see where this was shot but didn't see anything. Bottomline is that this was two hours of my life that I will never get back. I'd heard this got horrific reviews when it came out. Guess I should have listened.