Remember Me: A Lively Tour of the New American Way of Death (ISBN 0060766832)

Covering the Dead Beat:
New York-based Time magazine reporter Lisa Takeuchi Cullen not only has a nose for news, she can make you stop dead in your tracks, especially when it comes to planning your own funeral. Cullen's book, Remember Me: A Lively Tour of the New American Way of Death, had me in stitches from page one. The book will take you to crematoriums, a funeral director trade show, a fake coral reef off Ocean City, New Jersey, and inside a forested nature preserve where unembalmed humans make rich fertilizer. Talk about dust to dust. It's not exactly what I would call a how-to book, but Cullen's guide will give you plenty of exit strategies. In Remember Me, you will read about cowboy caskets, a frozen dead-guy festival, and a woman who turned her husband into the diamond pendant she'd always wanted. With its interesting religious and ethnic rituals and rites, the book is a real gem, too, but it reads more like a series of magazine feature stories than a strong narrative non-fiction book. Maybe that's because the book grew out of an article assignment for Time in which Cullen was exploring funeral trends among baby boomers. As Cullen uncovered quirky story after quirky story, she felt compelled to write a book. "Imagine the audience," she must have thought, "2.3 million people die every year in the United States alone." Now that's a lot of readers. My question is, will you be next?

Thoughts from a Funeral Futurist:
Lisa Takeuchi Cullen's "Remember Me - A Lively Tour of the New American Way of Death" is a light and entertaining journal of her travels with her newborn daughter exploring the many new options that the Me-Generation can choose to be remembered. She provides personal interjections along with the explanations of these new offerings from their creators - who she has dubbed end-trepeneurs. Cullen then adds intermittent spotlights on people who have chosen or who will choose in the future, to go out with an alternative death-style. Even though she states that she is not following in the footsteps of Jessica Mitford's 1963 expose of the funeral industry titled "The American Way of Death" Cullen takes many jabs at funeral directors who she calls "the well-armed enforcer of funeral ritual." She, on rare occasion, pedestals funeral directors, but for the most part Cullen uses the wide brush of inflexible, protective, older white male to describe the death care providers. Cullen is right in that these funeral directors exist - those who resist the change in trends - but her book disproportionately accounts for the funeral directors who "get it" and are providing a multitude of options for those they serve. A book about proactive funeral directors would not have the same intrigue as one that can dig up some dirt on the not-so-known industry and take on a hint of fragrance a la Mitford - especially by adopting it into her subtitle. For funeral directors and cemeterians: "Remember Me" is a great account of the attitudes of baby boomers towards death. There were alternatives that I wasn't even aware of and we as funeral directors must continually be on top of these changes and always be prepared for new requests from families. Although we may not like it when someone like Cullen takes us to task, we cannot hold on to the funeral service industry of past generations, we must embrace the future. For the general public: Cullen showcases a myriad of options available for someone's final wishes. This however, is not a complete inventory of what is available. Our communities are continually evolving with the immigration of death rituals and the changes in trends. The biggest challenge for funeral directors today is to offer all of the new alternatives while at the same time not to be labeled as a peddler of add-ons and up-sells. If the need arises for the services of a funeral director and you encounter one fitting Cullen's profile, you do have the right to seek the services from another firm as those who are keeping up with the times are slowly squeezing out those who don't. If "Remember Me" accomplishes one thing - to get people thinking and talking about how they want to be remembered - then it will have been a great service to both the funeral industry and the public. Unfortunately, far too many people do not talk about these end-of-life issues. When the day comes and they are sitting across from the funeral director, it would be very overwhelming (and a little too late) to start the education process of two dozen new alternatives - especially without prior consultation of the deceased. Without prior discussions, the family will usually default back to the previous generation's choices. It is my wish that Cullen's "Remember Me" be the catalyst of many dinner table discussions on this once taboo topic so that when I or my fellow funeral colleagues are sitting with a family upon a death, we can assist them in creating the most meaningful tribute - whatever their wishes may be - to honor a life lived.

Touching:
As other reviewers have mentioned, this book will undoubtedly be compared with "Stiff" (Mary Roach praised this book and truth be told, that's why I decided to read it) and "The American Way of Death." While it's in the same genre it shouldn't be compared to either because this is a cultural study of the way Baby Boomers are handling death and not an expose or an investigative work. I found this book fascinating. I loved her writing style and the way she respectfully recounted people's stories/lives. I had tears come to my eyes on several occasions because the way she wrote about lives lost was so moving. While she stated her opinion occasionally, she never seemed to pass judgment. She brought to my attention something I had never considered; obesity is changing the way caskets are made - that never occurred to me and I thought it was great that she would point that out. Also, she mentioned that soon-to-be mortuary science students could take their computerized exams in a local H & R Block. I nearly burst out laughing when I read this and was puzzled because she didn't take the opportunity to make a quip about Death and Taxes. I would recommend this book to everyone, especially those who can't bring themselves to think about their own deaths and plan ahead.

Satisfies Morbid Curiosity:
This isn't so much a book on trends as a compilation of exposes on the deathcare industry. There will always be new options for deathcare (or any kind of care, especially where money is to be made) but that doesn't make those options trends. There are no statistics to indicate that the practices in the stories are trends. In fact, a funeral industry expert is quoted in the book as saying that green burial has not taken off as a trend despite being around for quite awhile. The book does provide some underlying deathcare statistics such as the documented increase in the rate of cremations in the US. Despite the misleading title, it is an interesting read (albeit based mostly on heuristic research). If you are curious about death, you'll probably enjoy this book.

Just Enough Details to Satisfy Curiosity but Not Lose Your Lunch:
No longer do we just hold a wake, pick out a casket/urn or hold to those centuries old traditions brought over on the Mayflower. These days you can choose to have your ashes pressurized into a gemstone, be part of an artificial reef, be buried au natural or frozen. Beyond the new options comes the new rituals, parties, decorations and a move more towards the celebration of a life, rather than the passing of one. Of course with that comes the costs of not just a casket or preparation of the body but the price tag of an event as involved as a wedding. You can have a funeral event planner that will go as far as releasing butterflies or doves, Humvee processionals or polka dots. In some cases, old becomes new with improvements in the mummification process and modern undertaking processes like embalming and training new people interested in breaking into the business, which is a heavily family owned industry with fathers passing their businesses down to their sons. Lisa does an excellent job keeping a sense of humor, respect and a curious outlook as she tours all the strange and familiar exercises that the living go through to bury their dead. If you're at all curious about what's new and don't want to be creeped out by too many details, than this is a great read. I would say there are just enough details to satisfy curiosity, but not enough to make you lose your lunch.