We Can Work It Out: How to Solve Conflicts, Save Your ... (ISBN 0399521372)

Absolutely the Best Book on Relationship Communication!!!:
My husband and I separated after years and years of the same problems that we couldn't resolve. Realizing that perhaps it's not just what we are saying to each other but HOW we are saying it, I bought 6 books on communication. This was hands down the best one. The first part of this book is a little slow, as it deals with research on couples and commonalities among happy and unhappy couples, blah, blah, blah. The 2nd and 3rd part of the book are the real meat of it. This book is excellent at not only helping you identfy the dysfunctional communication patterns you and your partner use, but also to determine WHY you use them. Most importantly, once you understand what NOT to do, this book tells you exactly what to DO in order to have successful communications with your partner. This book was an absolute eye-opener and my perception of my husband and his perspective has done a complete 180. Now don't get me wrong, this book isn't going to do the work for you. You still have to commit to being open-minded enough to see YOUR faults in communication, not just be looking for everything wrong with your mate. However, I did see a lot of my mate in this book but instead of giving me ammo against him, this book really helped me understand him better. Also, this plan will be work. Changing old habits is ALWAYS hard work. But, my gosh...isn't it worth it? I can't stress enough though the importance of taking a hard look at yourself first. You have to be willing to consider that your partner has been just as hurt in your relationship as you have...and that you have caused as much destruction as you feel your partner has caused. I have asked my husband to read the book. I don't know if he will. If he does, this book may very well save our marriage. Either way, I'm going to implement what I've learned into my own every day life. Because, if things don't work out with my husband, I need to be a healthier partner for any future relationships...and I need to be healthier for ME. I do have to say though, that reading this book has given me real hope that my marriage can be saved. Sadly, it shows me how unnecessary a lot of our pain has been. Every therapist tells you to talk about it but no one ever teaches you HOW to talk about it. You will be amazed how much HOW you talk is really what's going on in your relationship conflicts. Every couple should have to read and discuss this book before they are allowed to get married. In fact, I may make this book my standard wedding gift from now on. In the end, where did all of those china place-settings ever get anyone? This book would be a real gift! I can not recommend this book more highly. If you are searching for books on this subject, than you need this book. Buy it now. Read it with an open heart. Share it with your mate. Good luck. (Also, another great book to read to just better understand the many dynamics of all communication is Messages by McKay, Davis & Fanning...this book was also very helpful and I recommend it as a companion to We Can Work It Out. If you are dealing with an affair, "Not Just Friends" was the best of the several I read. That one deals with emotional affairs (which was my situation), not just sexual affairs.)

Everyone should read this book!:
This book has changed my life! It was a very emotional read for me, I read so many examples of relationship communication problems I had throughout my life. I closed up or withdrew when relationship problems surfaced. I was afraid to talk and held everything inside. The book explains communication difficulties, it tells you how to effectively work through them and also how to prevent it from happening in the future. The book relates to any relationship you're in, whether you're married or dating. I wish I found this book years ago, I didn't seek help until it was too late. I recently dated someone for a little over two years, we broke up once and got back together, but we had the same problems, poor communication. If I knew about this book sooner, I know my outcome would have changed! Don't make the same mistake I did and think it'll get better, read this book now to become a better person and learn how to effectively communicate with your mate.

Couples Issues: We Can Work It Out:
This book is based upon an innovative, revolutionary twenty-year study. It is a simple-to-understand and clearly-worded guide that provides you with straightforward, scientifically demonstrated techniques that can help you make your relationship work. At the heart of the concepts presented by authors Clifford Notarius, Ph.D., and Howard Markman, Ph.D., is their "Better Talk" program. This program is unique among communication improvement practices. Better Talk builds upon the foundation set up in the introduction of the book. It permits couples to understand how to communicate using respect and shared understanding, especially when having conversations of a problem-solving nature. Instead of arguing with one another, couples discover how to work together to tackle their problems. Couples learn how to work on the same team, and to use constructive interaction instead of anger. What truly stands out about this book is that instead of focusing on what makes a relationship fail, We Can Work It Out instead looks at what makes a couple succeed. To determine what the key elements of successful relationships actually are, the authors dedicated 20 years to studying relationships and what makes them work. Their key finding: A happy and successful relationship is based upon the couple's capacity to work through their differences, not actually on the individuals themselves. By using diagnostic questionnaires, examples, and easy-to-understand explanations, We Can Work It Out very practically and realistically helps you to identify your problem areas and patterns, and to use the techniques outlined in the book in your own unique situation and relationship. Though this book does tend to feel as though it is dating itself on occasion. The authors frequently refers to their findings and writing in the early 1990's. However, the lessons here are in no way obsolete. The findings of We Can Work It Out remain just as accurate, relevant, and current as they were when they were first printed. This book provides you with a useable, optimistic, and realistic management approach for dealing with the issues troubling your relationship. It provides a levelheaded, sensible way to find your way back to the happiness you were once able to enjoy when your relationship was better fulfilling your needs.

Great Tools:
This book is easy to read, easy to understand, and offers a lot of hope. It gives you real tools to use. I wish it had focused just a tiny bit more on how you can only take care of yourself and your own point of view and emotions - or perhaps it would have been nice if they recommended a companion book on that subject - since it is such a large factor in relating. But overall I'd say it's a great buy for anyone looking to find ways to start improving their communication with anyone, right away.

Best self-help book so far:
After being with my husband for 7 years, we seem to row over the silliest and smallest thing. I knew my relationship is not going well. Having found this book on the internet, I decided to give it a try. I have to say this book is purely based on research on what makes couples happy or unhappy. Communication is very important and I liked the "relationship bank account", which I found very true. I have applied the knowledge and recommendation and even after a week, my marriage has turned around for the best and we are enjoying a very fruitful relationship now. It is a very good book for couples and I think it should be mandatory to people prior to marriage. I will certainly highly recommend it to friends and family. Another good book : Joseph Bailey "Slowing down to the speed of love".