Good Husband, Great Marriage: Finding the Good ... (ISBN 0446695254)

Very helpful for some couples:
This book is ideal for women who wish their husbands would treat them with a little more kindness and respect, but who feel too intimidated to insist on it. After reading it, I did four things. (1) I told my husband that I no longer though of him as "imperfect," but instead as being "90% perfect". I said he's not an abuser, adulterer, or an addict; he works hard for the family; he loves us; he would die for us; he has tremendous integrity; etc. He really appreciated hearing this from me, instead of just another bitter round of tears and "I'm so unhappy." (2) I told him I was committed to focusing on that remaining 10%--to building a 100% great marriage. (3) I stopped blaming myself for his behavior and started insisting on kind, respectful treatment from him at all times--not in an angry way, but in a patient, compassionate (but always persistent) way. Any time he said something casually disrespectful, I would calmly say, "I need an apology, or else we need to talk about this." (4) For the first time in 20 years of marriage, I started using the word "man" when referring to my husband. I have always, "You are a great husband, you are a great father, you are a great guy," etc., but I am amazed at how gratifying it is to my husband when I say "You are such a good man." Since reading the book a year ago, I have been constantly (or so it felt to me) insisting on apologies and changes in my husband's behavior. Occasionally I would hesitate before speaking up, thinking, "Can he deal with yet another of my demands for change?" But then recently, my husband amazed me by remarking, "I think the reason our marriage is so much better is because ever since you read that book, you have finally started to appreciate me." Wow! It is a 2-steps-forward, 1-step-backward process, but we are happier than we have ever been in our marriage. I am so greatful to Robert Mark Alter for helping me appreciate the good man I am married to, and for encouraging me to speak up and insist on respect and kindness at all times.

Man-hating book:
I admit, as a husband, I am not perfect; I have my flaws. My wife recently came across this book and now it has become her relationship bible. Problem is she has her flaws too (no one is perfect). This book directs all the blame at the guy and tells the women their husband is wrong-always wrong. This "self help" book has caused more stress and fights between us than before she started reading it. Every wife deserves her prince but this book has pounded into her head that I must be her Prince Leopold and that if I fail to ride home on a white horse with a bouqet or flowers in hand every night after a hard day at work then something is wrong with me and I do not love her. Nonsense. I finally asked her to stop reading and refering to it. What the author fails to realize is that it takes two to make a marriage work. We BOTH have flaws and again, no one is perfect.

Unfortunate title for a great book.:
Finding this book was a great help to me, as it articulated so many things that I was trying to explain to my husband. The central insight, from my point of view, is that everyone has to remember what the goal is...a happy marriage. The whole use of the word 'fault" is ironic, meant to get us past the point-counting and into the place where everyone is trying to live the marriage he or she wants, the happy, sexy, relaxed and appreciative one. Unfortunately, defensive and unhappy people are not the ideal audience for irony. They just aren't. I suspect Mr. Alter remembers that well in his practice, but this is written more to peers, so he leaves in jokes that people in trouble may not understand as jokes, such as the title. If your wife is 'fed up', gentlemen, use this book to help you figure out why. She didn't just hire the cutest poolboy in town and have you join an extra bowling league. She brought you a book. She's (b)working(/b) on it. If you work on it, too, she'll attribute it to the book and feel successful. If you argue about it, she'll feel unsuccessful. And unsuccessful and argued with isn't hot. That's the kind of strategy suggested in this book...and it will work. If you'd rather be right than get laid, go ahead and argue. If your woman is bi-polar, or a shopping addict, or something, this won't help. If she isn't crazy to start with, it won't hurt. See how easy this is?

Amazing:
The best book I have ever read on being a husband. 100% on the mark. Don't listen to the bad reviews, those are guys who are not man enough the take the truth. A must read!!!

When will the author come out of the closet:
OMG! After having read all the reviews I can easily tell the gender of the reviewer - no surprise. If you are a guy you hate it and the women love it - once again no big surprise. My wife gave this book to me for my birthday - Unreal- especially since I am a little busy finishing up a full time 28 month graduate school program - in Nursing. Now, I ask you, I am a non-gay male nurse - how much more sensative can a man get!? But, after reading the words of this author - obviously not near enough! Anyway, I digress, today she blamed me for not getting over issues with my childhood and that she will look for her own place after Christmas - this is while I was studying for my Board certification exam - nice timing! According to the author, I should applaud her though!!! I wondered where the heck did this come from - sort of out of left field - so I picked up the book and started reading - Unreal! When I stopped laughing - I wondered two things. First, how close was this guy with his mother, a little too close if you ask me; and two, when will he come out of the closet? Not male bashing? Unreal. I have much work to do to save my marriage as my wife was obviously not happy enough to purchase this waste of paper and ink. I will print off these reviews and give it to her - she seems to be taking this work of fiction to heart, underlining passages and starring as well. Wish me luck and by the way, do not buy this book - it is male bashing at its finest by a male who should not be allowed to call himself a man.