36 Years and a Wake-up: An American Returns to Vietnam (ISBN 0971992959)

This is a must read book!:
Carey Spearman has added another great book to his name: 36 Years and a Wake-up: An American Returns to Vietnam. As a follow-up to his Vietnam Veterans' Homecoming: Crossing the Line this new book shows how he faced his fears and returned to Vietnam in August 2000 after not having been there since 1968! His new book, written similarly to his first book, shows how Carey journalized his life since the war. I think this book is even better than the first! Carey's vignettes are one of the ways he is helping himself heal. After Carey met a couple of special Vets he soon found himself enroute back to Vietnam. On the airplane's approach to landing Carey flashed back to seeing Tan Son Nhut Airport under siege. He was "still scared of something that happened over thirty years ago." The Veterans were soon on their way to Tuy Hoa. Carey wanted to see his hospital-the 91st Evac. He recalled being near the beach and a guard tower. He saw Vietnamese men, women and children. One man told Carey that he was an ARVN soldier who was brought into a hospital near the beach. Carey was on his way to begin healing himself. Carey soon found that no one there wanted to talk about the war itself. "They will not stay in the past." He realized that he had "become a walking, talking poster child for war." He could still recall "the choppers coming in with patients. The floor covered in blood." The sounds "are in my head....I am still waiting for that last chopper to come in." Carey wrote that during the war he had written a letter to his father who never responded. Now he knows that "It never entered my mind that you might not have known what to say. I'm sorry I hated you for all these years." He stated he "never celebrated a birthday." He "wished I was never born." But he was beginning to feel better about himself. He likens himself as "Vietnam was my place of birth." He had returned to the US "a different person, and people couldn't understand why I had changed....I wasn't allowed to tell them about my pain, nightmares, or loneliness." Carey remembered his football days and how the team was always "ready to play till the end." But in Vietnam he now knows that the soldiers wanted to be there "for the long haul...to win." But as he put it "the coach pulled us out...and the war was called." He thinks most people "believe we quit. We still haven't quit. We still fight that war in our heads every day, trying to win." That is quite an analogy! He realizes that our soldiers were sent "to Vietnam supposedly to free the people." But Carey knows now that "they were already free" because "Freedom is a state of mind." Ever since Carey left Vietnam in 1968 he has "had this anger in me...never too far from the surface." But being back in Vietnam this time around "I am not angry....I feel good here." He is hopeful that "I can take this peace back home with me." Carey has returned to Vietnam several times since that trip in August 2000. He finds peace there now and tends to call it home. He knows that he "was loved and really needed" there by the men and women he worked with as well as the patients he treated. His mother and grandmother are gone now but his family consists of "a bunch of Veterans across the country and I am glad I have them. Life does not seem too lonely when I am with them." I believe that Carey wrote this profound book to not only help himself but also other Vets. He hopes this will help them with their own emotions and feelings. He has found this way of writing to express himself and help others on the road to recovery from the war. This is a must read book which should be in Vet Centers, libraries and bookstores everywhere. Maybe then people can understand what at least one Vet has gone through in his life dealing with his wartime service to our country. I think it will also be helpful to our newest batch of Veterans and their families and friends.

Home is where the heart is:
Carey and I have been friends and writers for sometime. I can't even begin to tell you how special he is as a man, husband, son, soldier, and retired police officer. It was his encouragement that I began my journey to finding home after I had been back from Vietnam over 32 years. We were both medics and also police officers. I value his work and his writing very much. I read his first book and it was just the beginning of looking within to find the way home from pain, loss, hurt, to finding healing, love, and passion for life. As with his first book, his style of writing causes the reader to stop at the end of each page and reflect. The questions come to the reader that the reader must sit and think and find the answers. This is Carey's second book and it is about his journey to the place that took away so much away from him as a young man. It is his completion of the circle to who Carey really is and what he became. His discoveries along the way also take the reader to find the same answers to lifes most difficult questions. It is not so important what the answers are but in asking the right questions and being open to accept the truth inside of one's self. This is another chapter in the life of a medic who left his childhood, and so much of his self in Vietnam. It is finding the right keys to unlock the door of your heart and soul of finding yourself once again. It is the beginning of a new journey with new hopes and dreams and a vision to help others. Carey found many answers for himself and the reader will also find his own answers to the great questions of why this and why me, what did I have to go through this to learn. What value does it hold for me. I think the reader will find much of a wonderful journey on a path few have choosen to walk down. I think too, that this book should also be read by those who suffer from PTSD. It was like Carey held a mirror up to my soul as I read each page and reflected on finding what is to be for me. He was able to open the doors I had always feared to open and I have much to be thankful for as I can now have a better relationship with those who are important in my life without holding back. Carey has made 7 trips to Vietnam and is getting ready to go again, I wonder what he will find that will help us all discover in his next book. Kerry "Doc" Pardue