Black Women Need Love, Too! (ISBN 1591139457)

Better as a book on parenting & community activism than dating:
I've spoken with author Pearl Jr. on the phone, and I will be meeting her in person real soon later this month (August 2006). Overall, she seems like a great, good-hearted young lady with nothing but the best of intentions in her desire to improve dating relationships between Black men and Black women. I am the author of my own book, "Mode One: Let The Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking," so I too have a desire to eliminate some of the obstacles that prevent men and women from achieving their romantic and/or sexual goals and objectives. I won't lie though: Some parts of "Black Women Need Love Too!" I loved, but other parts, I didn't care for too much. I'll first start by highlighting what I DIDN'T LIKE about the book. The book comes across as somewhat "bitter" in its underlying tone, as well as very accusatory towards the male gender. It almost gives you the impression that the author is just sort of "venting" about the men in her past who have left her with hurt feelings and/or a bruised ego. When it comes to criticizing the flaws and weaknesses in male-female relationships, there is no valid way that you can point the finger at one gender over the other. In my opinion, the blame for failed relationships between men and women is 50% men's fault, 50% women's fault. If I were to be `generous', I'd even give relationships a blame ratio of 55-60% men's fault, and 40-45% women's fault. The problem with "Black Women Need Love Too!" is that it makes it seem as though all `bad' relationships between men and women are 80-90% men's fault, and 10-20% women's fault. I don't know if that was the author's specific intention, but that is how I perceived the tone of her book, the contents, and most of her criticisms of Black men's behavior. She also blames the White media, and the subliminal messages that they provide to African-Americans, as another factor in the demise of male-female relationships in the Black Community. (On a sidenote, I personally cannot stand the use of the term "koochie," and Pearl Jr uses this term very liberally) Pearl Jr's book outlines a number of criticisms towards (Black) men who are described as "dawgs" (i.e., men who intentionally, or unintentionally leave women feeling used, hurt, betrayed, and/or manipulated). Pearl Jr's objective is to teach women how to "tame" the "dawg." Reality Check #1: Very few, if any women, are going to be able to "tame" a true "dawg." Not gonna happen. Why? Because there are too many women in society that actually WANT TO experience the romantic and/or sexual companionship of the so-called "dawgs." Men don't accidentally become "dawgs" overnight, just like unknown actors and actresses don't accidentally become "stars" overnight. An actor or an actress doesn't rise to the status of "TV star" or "movie star" simply based on his/her raw acting talents. It is more so the result of HOW APPEALING THEIR AUDIENCE PERCEIVES THEM TO BE. An actor or an actress is someone who can act, and does act. A "star" on the other hand, is simply someone who DRAWS FANS TO THEM. In other words, most men who are popular womanizers are not necessarily men who 'chase' a lot of women. In most instances, it is the OTHER WAY AROUND. Do you think Shemar Moore chases a lot of women, or vice versa? Most men know it's the latter. It's about SUPPLY and DEMAND. Here's my thing, and I told Pearl Jr this in our one phone conversation: There are a lot of "good" men out there. Seriously. There are. The problem is, many women DON'T WANT THOSE MEN. You can debate that if you want to, but it's the truth. Most women (not all, but most) want the guys with the handsome, athletic looks, the magnetic charm, the expensive material possessions/bling-bling, the high-status job, and the irresistible sex appeal. The problem with guys in the latter category is they usually don't attract one or two women. They tend to attract 10, 15, 20+ women at a time. Some men can limit their romantic and/or sexual companionship needs to just one woman. Others, realistically, cannot. Thus, a potential womanizer or 'dawg' is born. (personally, I tend to distinguish between a `player' and a `dog'; a player is a man that is UPFRONT and HONEST about the fact that he's looking for non-monogamous sex rather than monogamous sex; A `dog' or `dawg' is simply a lying womanizer, who tends to mislead women, manipulate women, and/or `trick' them into having sex under the guise that they have emotional feelings for these women, when in reality, they don't) If women don't want to be "dawgged," as Pearl Jr puts it, then they should take the following steps: 1) Don't have sex with a guy that is not your husband, fiancé, or long-time boyfriend. If a guy is really interested in you, and looks at you as potential wife material, he will patiently wait for sex. He will thoroughly enjoy your companionship in non-physical, and non-sexual ways. If all a man wants is a one-night stand, a weekend "fling," or a long-term casual sex relationship, he will not wait for sex. It is really as simple as that. 2) Don't try to turn a guy who has a reputation for being a notorious "dawg" or womanizer into a "nice guy." You're wasting your time. If you genuinely want a 'nice' guy (i.e., a guy who is well-mannered, considerate, and monogamous-minded), there are literally hundreds of Black men out there who already fit the bill. But be realistic: Most of the true "nice guys" are not (usually) going to be quite as handsome, charming, wealthy, and/or as charismatic and popular as the "dawg" types. If they were, more-than-likely, they would cease to be "Mr. Nice Guy" anymore. Remember: SUPPLY and DEMAND. For example, have you ever seen an ugly, obese "golddigger??" Nope. Most women who are effective 'golddiggers' are women who are usually beautiful and sexy. SUPPLY and DEMAND. 3) Don't maintain relationships with men who you know ahead-of-time are married, engaged, or already in a serious relationship. I've seen too many women ... Black, Caucasian, and other races ... make this mistake. They literally believe that they will rise from #2 (or #3) status to #1 status in that man's life and dating totem pole. 99.9% chance, YOU WON'T. Now, my POSITIVE comments: The true gems of wisdom found in this book don't actually come from Pearl Jr's advice on dating, but rather her advice on raising good-natured, obedient kids and her historical references regarding the negative psychological effects of slavery, oppression, and racial prejudice and discrimination. All Black parents, from single mothers to middle-class married couples, need to take steps to keep their children respectful towards others, and well-behaved in public. The current generation of children roughly 13 - 20 is almost out-of-control in their blatant disrespect for others and elders. Good parenting never goes out of style. And all Black men and Black women need to consistently work on improving and maintaining their sense of self-respect and self-esteem in a nation that sends out so many subtle, negative messages about our place and value in this society. But the key thing is: We can't sit around 'whining' about how White people don't treat us right. We have to TAKE CONTROL at improving our OWN PERCEPTIONS OF OURSELVES, and how we want to be perceived by others. I'd give this book 5 stars as a "history" book, a book that encourages community activism among African-Americans, and a "how to raise better children" book, but only one or two stars as an advice book for dating. Any woman ... Black, Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, or otherwise ... is going to always experience anger, frustration, and bitterness towards men when they continuously try to "change" men, and then subsequently fail. Women's behavior is under THEIR CONTROL, just like a man's behavior is under HIS CONTROL. Women cannot attempt to directly `change' a man's behavior, just like a man cannot attempt to directly `change' a woman's behavior (read Stephen R. Covey's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" about concentrating on changing/improving your OWN behavior). Pick the RIGHT MAN in the first place, and you'll never have any regrets.

History has shaped our relationships:
They call it a manual for women. It tells women how to deal with men. But its a lot more than that. It explains how history has shaped our relationships with on another. I'm a man and it has made me look at women in a different light. It will give you a better understanding of how women think. But at the same time it will force you to look at yourself in a more critical manner. Definitely a must read for all. A rare find and an excellent read.

Pearl Tells Black Women How It Is....:
Author OfBlack Women Deserve Better She loves our people, but does not hesitate to tell the truth about the manipulative tactics of Black men....

My Review of Black Women Need Love Too by Pearl Jr:
My Review of Black Women Need Love Too by Pearl Jr. I have read this book from cover to cover. This book is a discussion about how our sisters can use time tested methods and make good decisions in love matters so a sister can get and keep her man or husband. This book offers a lot of knowledge and insights as well as wisdom for young adult sisters and affirmations to smart middle aged and elder sisters. Brothers of all ages need to read this book and others like it to better appreciate a sister's point of view. Brothers also need to read this book so that we can communicate better and build stronger relationships and marriages with our sisters in the USA and around the world. As a poet I really loved the Poetry/ Spoken Word in this book. I enjoyed reading the personal experiences of Sisters and many from Pearl Jr., herself. What you will notice is that in this book the author always keeps it real. May I suggest that you read this book as a companion book to my book Loving Black Women. The 2 books together make a great read for a new millennia Brother and/ or sister especially if couples or matrimonial partners read both books together. Read these books together and discussion of these books as a group or as a couple and they will provide for some great conversations and discussions. It is about time we better understand each other's points of view. If you are not in a relationship then this book Black Women Need Love Too will provide healing, encouragement, affirmations and stimulations as you read through the tough love decisions the author works you through. And this book offers the joys of better preparation for your next relationship(s) so if the mistake was yours and only know for sure then you might be better prepared not to make the same mistakes again. This book also warns ladies about the Tyrone factor. Larry Ukali Johnson-Redd is the author of several books including his newest book Loving Black Women. Currently Ukali is completing his second autobiographical novel, Long Distance Love due out in late /2008. Loving Black Women will soon be available on Amazon.com ISBN 0-9674-22663

Finally, A Book That Said Everything I've Observed:
in the past 10 years regarding Black women and the Black family structure. It's not getting any better with Black women as heads of household, single without husbands and are raising children alone. Black men in jail or unemployed. The media has relentlessly lauched an assault against Black women, telling the world that we are unloved and unworthy of love. This book has a strategy to counter the negative war that is going on in the Black community of today.